Videogum

Lost: The Question Is WHEN Is Sawyer’s Beard?

Last night’s episode of Lost was the weakest of the season. But the new season of Lost is like pizza. Even when it’s bad it’s got mushrooms on it? I don’t know how expressions work.

So, “three years earlier,” “three years later,” ))<>((. Sawyer is the head of Dharma Security? Wha wha wha whaaaaaa?! (Also, Herc from Friday Night Lights worked for Dharma Security in the ’70s? Wha wha wha whaaaaa! Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t LOST.) Now that Locke has left the island, the time jumping has stopped, and the gang is stuck in the ’70s. They come upon a woman about to get gang-raped. Who cares who they are, we don’t even know when they are! So Juliette and Sawyer shoot them. Is every single survivor of Oceanic flight 815, after being dropped onto a mysterious and perilous deserted island with no chance of rescue, also an actual murderer now? Have they all taken a human life? We’re gonna need a bigger therapist! The woman is like “thank you for not letting me get gang-raped, KIND OF,” but also she uses the old “ear plugs through the sonic smokemonster fence” to trick them. Blah blah blah, Sawyer was a con man, etc, etc, and in the end they get to stay on the island (because Sawyer talks to “old eyeliner McGee” and preserves “the truce”). Sawyer and Juliette! Stupid story about some wooden Ankh necklace forcefully wedged into the show the way they’re going to forcefully wedge in a Sawyer and Kate reunion. And now we know for sure (although we already knew for duh) that the reason Jack et al disappeared in a flash from that Guam Plane was because they got time-jumped to the ’70s, while the rest of the plane (including Locke and Ben) are stuck (lost, you might say!) in the boring old present. This is going to make headlines in the Coconut Telegraph!

But the real question of last night’s episode isn’t where is Sawyer’s beard. It’s WHEN is Sawyer’s beard?

Three years earlier:

Three years later:

Three years earlier:

Three years later:

Three years earlier:

Three years later:

Three years earlier:

Three years later:

Three years earlier:

Three years later:

Three years earlier:

Three years later:

Three years earlier:

Three years later:

As you can see, in the Three Years Later of the 1970s present, Sawyer’s beard appears to have stopped beard-jumping all over the place. The beard-needle is back on the beard-record, so to speak. But Three Years Earlier, his beard was all over the place. It gave me a headache and a nosebleed. John Locke saved Sawyer’s beard.

Also:

I know, right?!