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Kids Give Speeches On Conservative Values The Darndest Things

“Author” Jonathan Krohn gave a speech at this weekend’s Conservative Political Action Conference. Dude’s like five years old.

Aww. I bet school is really great for this guy. All the bullies are like “no, take my lunch money, Mr. Krohn.” And then he gives them suggestions on how their own inability to pull themselves up by their socio-economic bootstraps has led them to bullying behavior, and he gently mocks their apolitical attitudes using his mocking Kermit the Frog voice. And the bullies cheer and carry him on their shoulders.

This kid is amazing. What a little grown up. I feel like the internet is going to be really unfairly abusive towards him today. Not us. This is a safe place for young Jonathan Krohn. We may not agree with him politically, and we may recognize that the substance of what he’s actually saying is paper thin, which combined with his unassailable youth and precocious poise makes him an excellent spokesman for a collapsing political ideology. But he is five! And he does have poise! And we recognize the importance of children having hobbies. And writing books. And being keynote speakers. You know, kids stuff. You go, Little Man Tate.