Real World: Brooklyn: A Couple Of Johnnys Drama

This week centers largely around Devyn’s “career.” She wants to be an actress. It doesn’t seem to matter what kind of actress, either. She tells JD that she plans on moving to LA because she wants to be in movies and do “actual sitcom-y stuff.” Sure. Who hasn’t dreamed of “doing actual sitcom-y stuff”? Why is everyone on the Real World these days just that kid from Storytelling? I guess I don’t know a lot about acting, but it seems to me from what I’ve read that actual actors tend to focus on their craft, taking roles that challenge them and being excited by any work that comes their way. The kind of actor Devyn seems to want to be is the kind that thinks going on a date for Shipmates is a foot in the door. She actually says “I’m not just another girl on the street working in the restaurant who wants to be famous. I’m one with a theater background who…studied it at the collegiate level.” Perfect. Such a classic sign of great acting. That’s why they always list actors educational history in the credits.

I hope by movies and “actual sitcom-y stuff” she means Real World Road Rules Inferno Island challenges. She’s a classic noneple threat.

She is asked to come and audition for a casting agent and ends up driving through the Holland Tunnel. So she’s almost an hour late when she gets to the audition (after throwing Jersey under the bus with a “who wants to go to Jersey?” comment because of how she is the classiest). Not that it mattered what time she got there. She crushes the audition.

Seriously, though, if the casting director had just said “I want you to take the concept of :( and make it come alive,” it would have been the same thing. So much :(. She does a monologue about AIDS and then she screams the star-spangled banner. It’s basically perfect. I’m pretty sure she’s the most famous actress now. They give out Devyns at the Academy Awards now (and also at the Emmys).

Speaking of DRAMA, Sarah keeps getting creepy calls to the house. At first they are legitimately creepy. The caller will not say who he is and is just very ominous and stuff. It turns out that it’s Sarah’s dad, and she freaks out when she talks to him. She calls her mom in tears. What slowly unravels is Sarah’s story about how she suffered sexual abuse as a child and how she hasn’t seen her dad in 10 years but he calls every few months and it upsets her. Now, this would be a really sad story, except that there are a few things that don’t really add up. For one, if you really didn’t want to talk to your dad, and you really were terrified of hearing his voice, wouldn’t you just hang up on him right away? Instead, Sarah has long drawn out melodramatic arguments with him about how much she doesn’t want him to call and how much she doesn’t want to talk to him. That is a point that is very easily made by hanging up the phone. What’s more, the dad seems really calm and kind of pained and just wants to reconnect with his daughter. Listening to him talk, you can almost imagine a scenario in which the dad gets cut out of his child’s life Capturing the Friedmans-style and spends the rest of his miserable years trying to remove the stain of false accusation.

OBVIOUSLY, it is not my place to judge someone who’s been through any kind of abuse or to tell them how they should react. But things just keep getting weirder and less explained with Sarah. Like, she finally opens up about what happened with her dad, which is that she was actually molested by a day care teacher, but then after her parents got divorced she went on a camping trip with her dad…and he only brought one sleeping bag? And that’s it? That was the last time she saw him? And she can’t believe that he’s still trying to contact her? My dad only brought half a sleeping bag on our camping trips and you don’t see me going on the Real World about it. I’m sorry, I hope that Sarah figures it all out and leads a long and happy life but there’s something about this drama that just does not add up.

As with last week, there is simply not enough Chet this episode (enough=the whole thing). It’s like when you go to the zoo and all the animals are hidden away inside. Although, he does go on a date with Scott’s model friend, Alex. He appreciates that she is a model, whatever that means. Even the anonymous voice over lady at the top of the show seems to be in on the joke when she says “Chet declares his love for the ladies.” He has made his interest in women public. Sure. Ryan can’t believe he’s even bothering to go on dates with Alex because he’s gay never going to marry her, which is what most people in their early 20s go on dates for. They love to just settle down and get married. “The best part is that we both love Sparks!”

At the end of the episode, he is in the car with Katelynn and Sarah who are grilling him on his Mormonism-imposed celibacy and he admits that he’s never even touched a boob before. Fair enough. Hint: they feel like bags of sand.

Next Week: I told you guys Ryan had PTSD. I will accept your apology in writing.