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The World’s First 3D Pornographer Also Invents The World’s Thinnest Excuse

A Chinese pornographer is planning on making the world’s first 3D erotic film. From the AP:

HONG KONG (AFP) – A Hong Kong filmmaker aims to lure audiences back to the cinema with what what he says is the world’s first 3D erotic movie, according to a newspaper report.

FAIR ENOUGH. But just make your porno, don’t play games. No motivation is so clear and so well understood as the motivation of a pornographer. “To lure audiences back to the cinema”? PLEASE, SIR, YOU INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE. 2008 was a record year in box office revenues. You know what lures audiences back to the cinema, professor? Batman. Unless by audiences you just meant this guy. You are making a 3D porno to lure money into your bank account. The end.

Also, not to be a wet blanket, but 3D technology suuuuuuucks. So when he says things like this…

“Just imagine that you’ll be watching it as if you were sitting beside the bed.”

…he’s obviously never seen a 3D movie. If he had, he would have said “Just imagine that you’ll be watching it as if you were sitting beside the bed wearing polarized plastic glasses that dig into your scalp and render the image blurry and illegible most of the time unless it’s something boring and obvious like a finger pointing in your direction, or something other than a finger if you know what I mean. I mean a penis.” That’s what he would have said.

But can we go back to the “lur[ing] audiences back to the cinema” thing? Do you know what this 3D porno is going to be about?

The film is based loosely on the 17th century Chinese erotic classic “The Carnal Prayer Mat,” a tale about how overindulgence in pleasure can lead to tragedy.

Careful, you don’t want the movie to be TOO sexy! This sounds like the most disappointing movie since Captain EO.