The White House Christmas Video Is Insane

The annual White House Christmas Video came out on Monday, and I’ve been avoiding it since then because it’s the annual White House Christmas Video. But I was wrong, and I apologize. This thing is fucking nuts.

President Bush: Where is my crack pipe? I know I left it around here somewhere.
Laura Bush: It doesn’t matter, George, I smoked all the crack in it already.
Barney: I run this bitch.
Barbara Bush: Crack doesn’t affect me, because I’m a robot!
Jenna Bush: I’m married!
Michael Phelps: Gold medals. Olympics. Swimming. Pancakes.
Barbara Bush: Oh look, Michael Phelps is a robot, too.
Michael Phelps: Olympics. China. Swimming. Gold Medals.
President Bush: Laura, I thought we agreed that whoever finished the crack was in charge of buying more crack.
Laura Bush: You’re right. I’m sorry dear. It’s just hard to remember things when you’re so consumed by the constant terror of having killed someone with your car.

And scene.