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How About A SPOILER ALERT On These New Gossip Girl Posters

There’s a new series of “provocative” Gossip Girl print ads that are going to definitely make the kids go hmm, just as soon as the kids discover the joys of reading. Each ad features one of the main characters (but no Chuck Bass? Gossip Girl Ad Campaign FAIL) with an incendiary word graffitoed across their face. OMFG. The problem is that a lot of those words are kind of blandly important to someone who hasn’t watched the show, like a movie preview talking about betrayal, but to those of us who CARE (deeply), they imply plot developments that haven’t occurred yet. Thanks a lot, CW marketing team. It’s called a SPOILER ALERT. Look it up, and then use it.

After the jump, a look at the new posters, and some guesses as to what the words mean.

  • Nate cheats on Vanessa with an 80-year-old woman, known in the dating community as a saber-tooth.
  • Nate cheats on Vanessa because fuck Vanessa.
  • Nate cheats on Vanessa with the head of the Upper East Side chapter of the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program, because it somehow was the right thing to do.
  • Nate cheats on his biology final with an 80-year-old woman, known in the testing community as a saber-tooth.

Alternate Words: Noble, Charming, Best

  • It turns out that Blair is actually a robot set to “bossy.”
  • It turns out that Blair is actually a robot set to “spoiled.”
  • It turns out that Blair is actually a robot set to “awesome.”

Alternate Words: Sassy, Robot, Sassy Robot

  • Serena lies to Aaron Rose, telling him that she isn’t the worst person in the world.
  • Serena lies to Dan, telling him that she always cared about him, hiding the fact that she cares about nothing but herself.
  • Serena lies to herself, every day, when she leaves the gun in the drawer.

Alternate Words: Yuck, Gross, Worst, Kill Yourself

No spoilers here.

Alternate Words: Boring Loser, Annoying Loser, Big Loser

[images via JustJared, click images to enlarge]