Videogum

The Videogum “Tracy Morgan Promise”: The Today Show

Have you ever noticed that Tracy Morgan refuses to look at the person who’s interviewing him, and always spends most of any segment he’s in staring somewhere below the camera as if he’s even uncomfortable making eye contact with you, the viewer? Man. Don’t get me wrong, talking to other people is scary. I try to never do it. But this is a highly skilled professional performer who has been on television for years. YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE WHEN YOU SAY RIDICULOUS THINGS ABOUT PREGNANCY AND FATHERHOOD. I love the guy, but I will admit that sometimes it makes me uncomfortable. Although not as uncomfortable as Kathy Lee’s long, lingering, INSANE finger trail up Tracy Morgan’s arm to caress his neck. Teacher, NO!

I like when Tracy Morgan says that he’s used to “being on Saturday Night Live and all those shows.” Um, all what shows? All those show, singular? Because there is just the one show you already mentioned. Again, I love the guy, but haha. Also, Kathie Lee Gifford is the absolute worst. “You work 13 hour days, don’t you? I mean, we’re doing Lipstick Jungle later today but we only have four lines.” WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU SELF-INVOLVED NIGHTMARE? She inserts some kind of weird status anxiety aside about her sad quest for self-worth into every interview. She can barely open her mouth without name dropping. Yesterday, in a discussion about BACTERIA, she used the issue of how much bacteria can be found on cellphones to complain about how no one ever calls her, but then used that to brag that, well, one time she did get a call from Al Pacino. WHAT? SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU DUMB DUMB.

OK, I’m making an announcement. I’m sorry to step all over the Tracy Morgan Promise for this, but Al Roker is officially released from jail. Kathie Lee Gifford is going there now. It’s a rule that only one member of any morning talk show can be in jail at any one time (I’m basically a lawyer.) I hope she rots.