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New Gossip Girl Posters Will Not Piss Off Your Parents

Remember the original ads for season 2 of Gossip Girl that showed two kids fucking Like Water for Chocolate style with a salacious quote like “Your Mom’s Going To Barf,” or “This Show Will Fuck Your Mouth”? Well there’s a new poster out now to keep the mid-season momentum going. But while it features the King of Gossip Girl mountain, Charlie Trout, the tagline is playing it pretty safe:

“The price of winning could be losing his father’s empire.”

OOOOOOOOooooooo OOOOOOooooh. Keep your hand on the remote during that episode, just in case your mom walks in the room. That is the unraciest tag line ever. So unracy. Your mom’s going to make you START watching this show if you haven’t already because “it looks nice.” But, I’m nothing if not a team player (I’m nothing). So here are a few more taglines for the Gossip Girl publicity team to use on this latest run of promotions:

  • Image of Serena Van Der Woodsen: Hopefully someone will give her some perspective on the way the world works so that she will stop treating people with such callous selfishness.
  • Image of Blair Waldorf: Whether or not she gets into Yale, she’s still going to need to deal with the detachment she suffers from her own emotional core.
  • Image of Dan Humphrey: The price of winning could be losing his father’s supposed trust, not that his father has done much to make his children respect him.
  • Image of Jenny Humphrey: Her behavior suggests that she’s in desperate need of some guidance and probably misses her mom.
  • Image of Nate Archibald: He is a decent guy the end.

Nailed it. I could sell sand to a man lost in the desert. Because of the delirium and desperation.