Michael Phelps To Host, Bomb SNL Premiere

Michael Phelps is hosting the series premiere of Saturday Night Live on September 13th. If you don’t know who Michael Phelps is, MOVE BACK TO RUSSIA.

Now, last week, Alex Blagg at the homepage Best Week Ever Dot Com posed the question “Is Michael Phelps a Douche?” Well, I don’t know if he is a douche. I’ve never met him, and I will never meet him, because I don’t hang out with champions. I hang out with THE PEOPLE. On the STREETS. Just kidding. I don’t hang out with anyone. ANYWAYS. I do know this: he is going to be terrible at hosting a sketch comedy show. What he lacks in charm and charisma he totally makes up for in having all the gold medals, but gold medals are not going to put laughs in my face.

Not that it’s even his fault. There’s a long precedent of athletes hosting SNL to terrible results. In fact, I have five Disney Dollars that says someone’s working up a Top 10 list for Digg about that very subject right this second. Athletes should really be left to their own devices (balls) and not asked to do something that’s totally antithetical (talking) to their talent (being fast and strong).

I vote no on Proposition Phelps. Admittedly, this post is a bit of a mess. It’s kind of all over the place. But it’s not any more of a mess or any more all over the place than Phelps’s performance will be on September 13th. Whoops, looks like someone just got the gold in the Zingpecial Olympics for sticking a perfect landzing.