SPOILER ALERT: Who Should Play The New Lost Characters?

In the fifth season of Lost, which starts filming soon, two new characters will be introduced. From Entertainment Weekly:

First up is Caesar, a dangerous, physical and extremely intelligent male between the ages of 35 and 45. Although his intentions are unclear, this much is certain: He’s as skillful at charming people as he is at killing them. He also has a dark past, but, c’mon, that much was a given.

The other newbie is Ilanna, a European female in her late 20s to early 30s who possesses great intelligence, but who’s also dangerous as all get out. She’s alluring and apparently used to getting her own way.

Spooky! Mysterious! Physical and extremely intelligent! So, who should play these future loose ends who are never satisfyingly resolved?

For Illana I suggest:

Milla Jovovich

Milla Jovovich would be a great fit. She’s European, she looks perpetually 28, and she already played characters who are “dangerous as all get out” (whoops, that’s a sentence!) and besides, she clearly owns her own bathing suit.

Julie Delpy

While Delpy doesn’t necessarily have that immediately visible dark edge like Milla, she’s a talented actress, and most importantly, she seems pretty available.

Audrey Tatou

There’s no chance this will happen. Nevermind.

For Caesar, I had a little more trouble because the description of someone who’s “dangerous, physical, and extremely intelligent” is silly, and then he’s also supposed to be super charming? And murderous? So my first suggestion, obviously, is:

The Talented Mr. Ripley

I know that the Talented Mr. Ripley is a character and not a real person. But he is perfect. You know what they say about creative challenges being gifts. Work it out.

Wolf from American Gladiators

Wolf seems dangerous and physical for sure. And as for the highly intelligent and charming, that is what the writers are there for. Do you think Evangeline Lilly comes up with her shit? Woman’s head is filled with low-fat yogurt.

Josh Holloway

HEAR ME OUT. It would be a little weird at first, for sure, but it’s just the kind of CRAZY TWIST that keeps us watching. And the Sawyer vs. Bizarro Sawyer nickname-off would be nuts. Right, Freckles?