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The Dharma Initiative Eligibility Test And 10 Ways To Please Your Smoke Monster

I got an email today from the Dharma Initiative inviting me to complete an “Eligibility Test” to see if I was the kind of person the Dharma Initiative was looking for. No I didn’t. I got an email from a summer intern at the ABC publicity department as part of a viral marketing campaign to keep interest in the show high because someone had the bright idea to wait eight months to air the new season. But the point is, if you go to dharmawantsyou.com you can waste five minutes answering a battery of questions that are more obvious than the quizzes in Seventeen magazine (nullus on knowing about the quizzes in Seventeen magazine). I say obvious because the questions are multiple choice, and it’s always like

What best describes you?
a) i like candy
b) i stab my mom in the face

But a little more Lost-y.

The test is separated into two sections. The first section is called the “Psycho-Visual Correlation Assessment.” You are presented with a series of images, and multiple choice answers to what you think of when you look at the images. For example:

Are you:

a) paranoid
b) self-absorbed
c) stupid
d) obtuse

If you answered d) you should be the head writer on this show.

The second section is the “Hypothetical Siutational Projection Assessment.” You are presented with a series of situations and multiple choice explanations for why you would find yourself in said situation. For example:

Are you:

a) paranoid
b) a woman
c) fat
d) super annoying

If you answered d) you should get a job as a PA on this show talking about how what you really want to do is direct your own screenplays.

You can take the test yourself here if you want to. It’s totally worth it because at the end of the test, if you pass, you get to a registration screen where you are given the privilege of typing your personal information. Not submitting it, because the page is broken and it just cycles forever, but you get to type your address, which is pretty cool. I’m sorry, did I say pretty cool? I meant very cool. (Not cool.)