Definitively The Worst Season Of The Real World In The History Of The Real World

If this is the worst season of The Real World of all time, and I think it is, then last night’s episode was the worst episode of the The Real World of all time. I’ve watched this show off and on from its inception. (Fun Fact: in high school, I used to see fliers up around town for Andre Comeau’s band “Reigndance” because he was also from Michigan, and my friends and I would MAKE FUN OF THOSE FLIERS.) So I think I know what I’m talking about when I say that never have seven such insufferable strangers been picked to live in such a miserable house. Where is Al Qaeda when you need them? Oh, suddenly they’re too good to strike terror into the heart of Americans by destroying a symbol of our excess?

Here is just one fight from last night’s episode, which was wall-to-wall fights. You will notice that after about 30 seconds you’re not even sure who is fighting with whom, or what they are fighting about.

This is not even the best (worst) fight. There was also the fight where Greg just yelled at everyone to shut the fuck up with his shirt off, the fight where Greg stole Sarah’s underwear (???), and the fight where Will decided to get a blowjob from Greg’s girlfriend in the confessional. Joey, of course, couldn’t partake in any of the fights because after two episodes of the show he was forced to go into rehab.

While Greg is definitely the King Monster of Monsterland, they’re all at least Monster Nobility. My favorite part of the episode were the constant references, I think there were literally nine or ten, to how they weren’t allowed to punch each other because of their contractual obligations to the show, but that if they weren’t contractually obligated to not punch each other they would totally punch each other, and how maybe as soon as the show ended they would stand outside of the gate of the house and punch each other then, when they were no longer under contract not to punch each other.

And what is this “peasant” nonsense? Is that an insult? I haven’t logged onto a social networking site in a little while. Is that like a killer tween insult? Brooklyn cast of The Real World, I swear to God, YOU BETTER DRUMLINE, or I am sinking this show to the bottom of Whoops Ocean and never looking back.