The Hills Season Finale: Who Will Be Written Into The Telenovela Of Life?

Last night’s season finale of The Hills was really difficult to watch. I just can’t willfully suspend my disbelief anymore. Let’s take the Las Vegas scene for an example. Heidi is having a meeting with her bosses who have inexplicably put her in charge as project manager over a multi-million dollar casino renovation, but Spencer shows up to win Heidi back and immediately her bosses tell her that she cannot have a boyfriend and manage the renovations. The next morning, Heidi’s boss calls her while the car is idling and tells her it’s her last chance. Then he drives away. OK, well, no, no, no, and no. Heidi’s head is filled with packing materials. The only renovation project she’s been put in charge of is her face. But more importantly, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to Bolthouse Productions. She put them on the map. So while I don’t believe for a second that they gave her a massive reconstruction project, I also don’t believe that they’re going to reprimand her. Meanwhile, didn’t Spencer show up in Las Vegas with his sister Stephanie? But when Heidi and Spencer leave Las Vegas together, Stephanie is nowhere to be seen? And I couldn’t help but feel that when Spencer told Heidi “I just can’t do this anymore,” he wasn’t talking to Heidi he was talking to the producers.

But one of the most interesting moments of the night was when Lauren decided to confront Audrina about the trouble they’d been having in the house.

The conflict between Lauren putting on her best (worst) Golden Globes performance, and Audrina simultaneously not feeling like putting up with this bullshit but also not wanting to create trouble to the point where she’s no longer allowed to be on the TV is so good. Lauren is fully actualized now, a powerful young tyrant in total control of her environment. She is the Sword of Damacles that hangs over so many bleached-blonde heads.

Watching the finale, I couldn’t help but think about what life is going to be like for these clowns.

Lauren’s future, obviously, is easily foreseeable:

Heidi will move in with her sister:

As for Spencer, one can only guess.

Season 4 of The Hills premieres in August.