The Revolution Will Be After Gwyneth Paltrow And Mario Batali Are Televised

Here’s the thing, fames: you did it, OK? We get it. You cracked the code on how to live a life of cultured ease with delicious food, exotic travel, and the constant company of friends who are at financial ease and enjoy each other’s well-coiffed company. Enjoy it. But LEAVE US OUT OF IT. Look, I don’t have it so bad. I have an oversized television, access to health care, and don’t have to eat fried mud cakes. But this upcoming PBS show about Gwyneth Paltrow and Mario Batali traveling across the Spanish countryside, giggling and eating, giggling and eating, makes even me, the picture of blithe bourgeois contentment, want to burn down the alienating artifice of modern society.

It’s like making America watch the slideshow of their honeymoon the weekend we all got dumped. The part where Gwyneth laughs heartily at the Spanish joke her Spanish friend makes over hors d’oeuvres on the glassed in patio is the part where I began the slow but necessary process of weaning myself off the over-arching support systems created by the ruling class to placate the masses to keep them from questioning the hegemonic control of the capitalist architects. Just kidding, let’s go shopping.