Wrong Window: quarterlife Bites!

Wrong Window is where we share our instant messenger conversations about TV and movies, because we think we’re so damned clever.

quarterlife, “the show about you and your life!”, had its TV premiere on NBC last night, after not doing well on the internet last year. Just how stupid was the first episode?

lindsay: ew gross cough
gabe: i love the cough. it’s so “raw.” that’s what the internet is

gabe: why is she still in college if she’s 35?
gabe: hahahahahha “all the local commercials they see are crap” these two guys are going to redefine advertising
lindsay: haha, “postmodern filmmaking”. They’ll be the dogme 95 of local car commercials
gabe: because they cut through the bullshit
gabe: these guys have really impressive jobs and are really sure of themselves. i don’t know what they’re doing on the internet. they’re totally capable of living real lives.
lindsay: I can’t decide if this is more Singles or Reality Bites.
gabe: it’s like they read the cliff notes of Generation X and updated all the references by five years
lindsay: why does she have grainy video of her roommate in bed?
gabe: THEY LANDED THE SCION ACCOUNT I use a mac! I would own a scion!
lindsay: even the music is grungy!
gabe: it’s not so much her curse to be able to see what other people are thinking so much as to only be friends with people who make everything super obious
lindsay: they can’t see her!
lindsay: omg that bitch is stealing her ideas! it’s so 13 going on 30. Or Reality Bites. Or every other movie where a chick works in media.
gabe: she has a secret blog that is more intensely designed than any blog ever?

lindsay: yeah, it’s the new blogspot template
gabe: i’m pretty sure that i had enough acting workshops the first time i saw a show with acting workshops

lindsay: “videoing,” “I’ve been videoing everybody.”
gabe: YOU PUT MY FACE ALL OVER THE FRICKIN NET. hahaha “you’re not a writer, you’re an associate editor” is amazing
lindsay: Aww, he said I love you.
gabe: he’s thinking bout moving in and/or cheating on her

gabe: who is doomed to be an associate editor? don’t you just become an editor eventually as long as you don’t kill yourself?
gabe: also, “can i speak to you in my office” never gets old
lindsay: no two guys would ever say “I wanted to flirt with her!” “but I wanted to flirt with her!”

lindsay: “you’re such a woman’s man” what is that?
gabe: i don’t know. ask Juno
gabe: remember how we carried our lpatops around, showing each other our favorite blog posts, at crucial moments?

lindsay: her fetish is being honest! it’s like the most boring fetish ever
gabe: whenever i want to have a really serious conversation with lasting repercussions for my most important personal relationships, i do it in the living room
gabe: while someone else is futzing around in the kitchen
lindsay: wait. where are they? is this jersey?
gabe: this is actaully a scion commercial

gabe: dylan is the mom from gilmore girls at the end of the season she has a baby and goes to vermont to open a bed and breakfast
lindsay: “are you saying I have no sexuality”
gabe: the acting teacher just said “tumescent boys” but then he didn’t pedantically define the word “tumescent”
gabe: like they did on the wire three weeks ago
gabe: “you think that because your dad gave you the money for this equipment that you can make this decision?”
gabe: i like that when he turns around they’re already done shooting the commercial things happen really fast thse days much faster than when i was 37
gabe: or however old these people are
gabe: I’m pretty sure they had this exact chasing around the kitchen with a wooden spoon scene in Reality Bites except in that instance it was frosting or brownie batter
gabe: and in this instance it’s tuna and mayonnaise I think that’s a perfect metaphor for what’s wrong with this show

lindsay: It was definitely brownie batter. this IS RB, remember her friends got mad that she videotaped them?
gabe: a job is a place where you check your soul at the door, lindsay
gabe: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH “You know you make me mad” “because i blogged you?” “no”
lindsay: She doesn’t have orgasms! She’s so jealous of Dylan and her orgasms!

gabe: wait, women have orgasms?
lindsay: har!
gabe: whenever anyone tells me tehy had an orgasm, i stomp out of the room
lindsay: like, she can’t act because she’s never had an orgasm. the two are inextricably linked
gabe: In the meeting scene, everyone’s shocked look of disdain when she’s being a brat about her idea, is actually the most realistic thing that’s happened on this show so far

lindsay: the concept of someone being caught videoblogging is so funny
gabe: yes
lindsay: “go away! I’m videoblogging!”
gabe: it’s the most embarrassing thing you could ever be caught doing
lindsay: I want to catch someone, anyone, videoblogging
gabe: love that everyone reveals things to people that even a five year old would know they wouldn’t find exciting or good at all
gabe: “hey, i know you’re in love with me, but i’ve got great news” “about being in love with someone else” “oh, what are you doing, videoblogging?”
lindsay: HAHAHAHAHAH this commercial is shit!
gabe: it’s so badhe’s going to start a videoblog about how he isn’t in love with that guy’s gilrfriend, eh’s in love with that guy
lindsay: I love how the creator of this show runs around bragging that he has total creative freedom. He should really give himself more excuses.
gabe: no one woudl cry. that is not a crying moment

lindsay: they will be gay together soon.
lindsay: oh my god direct reality bites quote!!! “why don’t you guys just sleep with each other and get it over with”! Only in RB it was “do it.”
gabe: also, remember how in reality bites ethan hawke would perform his violent femmes covers? in a club exactly like this?

lindsay: Yes! nobody is ever totally transfixed by someone singing karaoke
gabe: Much less a whole bar.
gabe: also, remember when i saw reality bites in the theater with my dad?
lindsay: “I’m singing badly – on purpose!”
gabe: it’s funny when friends forcefully turn each others’ heads gabe: in an act of sexual aggression it’s cute
gabe: that’s how you know you’re friends
lindsay: “let’s do that thing where we make kissy faces at each other really close in a dark bar”
gabe: you know, like friends do and then let’s go blog about it because that’s what we do now
lindsay: omg, she’s going to have her first orgasm now after that karaoke
gabe: women don’t have orgasms, though, right? that was a joke?