Alas! poor Gabe. I knew him, Werttrew; a fellow of infinite LOLs, of most excellent abs; he hath borne me on his blog a thousand times; and now, how downvoted in my imagination it is! My TWSS rises at it. Here hung those Topher Grace posts that I have kissed, I know not how oft. Where be your Caption Contests now? Your Copper Cab? Your Lost Recaps? Your flashes of Juggalos, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own posting? Quite chap-fallen? Now, Werttrew, get you to Becca's chamber, and tell her, let her walk Birdie, to this favour she must come; make her run tell that.
FUN FACT: The file name extension ".gif" stands for "guess I'm fucked" and dates to the United States Civil War. It was a code between Union soldiers used when assigned to the detail responsible for cleaning Gen. Ulysses S. Grant's beard.
I don't really like snow all that much, but without a long winter full of misery, that first day of spring, when the sky is blue and pink and the air is full of the smell of plants and cow manure, wouldn't be as special.
BREAKING CONSPIRACY NEWS
Do you think that it is a coincidence that "Gabe" is on vacation this week? And that we have guest "bloggers"? Of course not! Look at the facts.
1. On Monday, we had "This Is My Nightmare." We all know that nightmares are subconscious states where our deepest desires are contained by x-rays. What did she post? "I'd hit that", a post which "turned on" certain sleeper operatives.
2. On Tuesday "Brad O'Farrell" blogged at length about Natalie Portman. Consider her name: Nat A Lie Port Man. He is telling us that in a port, the thugs of the New World Order will begin their invasion of the USA and that this is NOT A LIE! The crying was because the American Dream died.
3. On Tuesday "Soft" "Gabe", blogged about Roseanne and Dahmner. The letters in their names spell "Fog Harmed One Baste Snare". I don't have to tell you what that means.
4. This morning when I woke up, I had on clothes and was not covered in vomit. Yet, last night, when I passed out, I was naked and had messed myself. Who cleaned me up? WAKE UP PEOPLE!
5. Coca-Cola is talking if you listen.
"Against the Day" by Thomas Pynchon actually has a Tertris reference in it:
"…Padzhitnoff’s own specialty being to arrange for bricks and masonry, always in the four block fragments which had become his 'signature,' to fall on and damage targets…"
And now we know why it takes him a decade between books.
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