Last week I mentioned my aunt who cornered me on Christmas Day to speak forcefully on the acting talent of "Hanks." I have just received a followup email, and she is not pleased.
She is demanding to know who in Hollywood has a "gripe" against Tom Hanks. Her theory is... oh heck, I'll just paste it in:
is this just a big push to see that the acting prize goes to American Hustler , and if Hanks is nominated, he would win???
Btw I'm sure she hasn't seen American Hustler. Hustler? Gross, no thanks. Just T.Hanks.
"We'll use every means at our disposal to market this Elizabeth Banks vehicle -- a mannequin, an absence of photoshop skills, and an insinuation of upskirt camerawork -- everything!"
It is worth it. I think it will win best director, but aside from that the big screen is key.
As for 3D: when it ended, my friend said it was annoying how the whole thing was out of focus. Huh? Turns out her glasses were broken. So, if it is out of focus, run to the lobby and get a different pair of glasses, because broken ones is a thing that can happen.
After 3 months of eating whatever I wanted to (pancakes and cheeseburgers) I decided to go on a diet and oof, it brings so many bad moods and moments where I am just dead in the water. I think the problem is that I'm over-carbed and under-proteined. Basically I've been making the calorie limit by eliminating everything that's good for me. Probably should fine-tune that. It's at its worst yet today.
The good news is that on Saturday I basically finished a thing I was writing for months and now I'm writing a different thing. The scene change has been nice, and today I've been sneaking in some work on it at work.
As for work, people can bite me. I swear, what is with the business insistence on sounding awful when there are so many good words ready to go? "Click-throughs will maximize our learnings." Eesh. But today's prize goes to using "recommend" in the following context:
"Our recommend is to proceed."
HAHAHAHAH you're dumb. So it's not a good day, but mainly because I'm overreacting to everything, possibly because my diet is 64% carbs, 34% fats. I should have known it was going to go poorly as early as 8:30, when a guy in front of me at a stoplight threw his cigarette butt out the window and I went to pieces. You douche, don't throw your trash out the window! What the fuck about cigarettes makes people think "Yes. Here is the one great exception to the Don't Litter laws. This, I can toss from my car as I drive." A-hole.
Future generations will say, "Paris Hilton made her money in hotels? Hahaha, you're crazy, everyone knows she is the VON DUTCH HAT BARONESS."
"But it's true. You kids are morons." -- elderly Lighbulb Monopolist badideajeans
I wish they'd build a high-speed train from my apartment to my work like they just built Jon Gosselin a high-speed vas deferens from his testicles to nowhere.
I have good friends who play Magic: The Gathering, and I have avoided it because it seems like it is basically the dumb card game War, but complicated by elements reminiscent of Pogs, Cabbage Patch Kids, and bullying, priced like poor man's version of the black market trade in endangered animals (which is still very expensive). These friends are really into it so I have not shared my hurtful theory with them. But am I correct?
Note I have played many other nerdy things, including Dungeons & Dragons, Lords of Waterdeep, and one trillion hours of Civilizations I-V right up to the Gods & Kings Expansion Pack, so I claim no moral superiority over anyone who answers.
I love the (no offense!) stupid names families assign to grandparents. Mamaw, Meema, Peepow, Momo, Granka -- so many weird sounds people would never make.
Well that highly uncomfortable commercial just made me commit to never buying another Skechers product ever again, lest people conclude I identify with a self-satisfied douche who publicly calls out artsy people. It might as well make their new slogan: "Skechers. For bros who are 29 and live with their parents about an hour outside a medium-sized city and don't realize what all of that means."
Every time I see those rollin' dogs, I think of two things:
1) Gross.
2) The cold night when I was 21 and super drunk and separated from my friends and wandering a strange Pennsylvania town at 3am, and happened upon the only open business -- a 24-hour mart that sold these things for 50 cents. I had a total of $1 with me and it was the best $1 I ever spent, until the day I was 27 in Mexico.
It comes in handy when I need to get out of going to jail for white-collar crime or could use a good deal on a yacht or want to be appointed to the Supreme Court for a while.
I never really understood why Shia Labeouf was a public persona to begin with, so this just sort of sets the universe back to the way it was before I became aware of him while enduring Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
I have some friends who work in academia or have spent hundreds of years getting useless advanced degrees, and the stories they tell me of plagiarism going unpunished are infuriating.
My favorite is the girl who got out of it by explaining that they didn't have plagiarism in her country. So Columbia explained what plagiarism meant and told her not to do it again. Two papers later she was still pasting in entire pages from books and articles and passing them off as her own. It got so her fellow students went to the dean and said: "Kick her out. We hate what she does." The dean said, "What can we do? It's her culture!" So she got her Ivy League degree.
(Happy ending? When the dean decided she could cheat as much as she liked, her fellow students decided to ostracize her for the rest of the program. So she got a degree but no friends? Is that happy? Who won?)
Good eye, Ashleigh Byrne. And half of her monologues are about things that happened to her 30 years ago. She is really hung up on how much fun she had, circa 1973-1989.
No need: I'm Team Pie and consider the debate closed. Pie wins. SUPPORTING EVIDENCE: Jennifer Lawrence thinks of cake = she falls. I think of pie = I walk around. Easy as... pie.
I'm still annoyed from a conversation this morning. A babbling, crotchety coworker came over and talked nonstop about nothing for 5-10 minutes (that is her move, daily) and in this babble today she badmouthed some guy she knows who "wastes his time commenting on websites." Usually I don't engage her but today I said, "Well, it's not a waste of time if he enjoys it," and she scoffed, "Pff. He says he's friends with people on this site -- but he's never even met them! I'm sorry, but a friend isn't some person on the internet. It's a person you know! He doesn't even know what color their hair is -- sorry, they're not friends!" It just made me so mad.
I was thinking of you guys the whole time I was also thinking about clubbing her to death with a baby seal. I don't care if you guys even HAVE hair, you're still my friends. Most of you.
I am currently switching to LEDs and like them a lot more than CFCs. I never got headaches, but the light felt weirdly harsh or fake. Also the LEDs are dimmable and I can control them from my phone because they are wi-fi-operated bulbs. That is a dumb, unnecessary level of tech for my apartment but at least wi-fi bulbs cost $16 each, so I'm replacing them at a rate of one per paycheck.
Matt & Trey sent a copy of Team America: World Police to Kim's dad. The sets in that movie of the Korean leader's palace were all based on super-rare photos of the real thing. And the dad was a huge fan of American movies, so they were hoping he'd be excited. But he never contacted them. Maybe they should try again with the son, and Baseketball?
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