It's 2258 and the world is controlled by psychic alien red-headed vampires. In the midst of a thousand wars Earth is gripped by a new craze... the ultimate game of life and death.... hackysack!! Aaron Zardox (Freddie Prinze) is a young magic private eye, who is also an orphan, working in New Vampire City (New York). Soon a series of disappearances leads him down a new and dangerous road. When his mentor, Rodric Scarton (Nicholas Cage) is found dead and the mysterious and beautiful stripper/secret agent Jazzy McDonald (Gwenyth Paltrow) is framed for the crime, Aaron no longer knows who to trust. When he stumbles onto the dark truth he finds himself suddenly a slave in the hackysack death-rings of the vampire overlord Marissath Chankna'ark (red-headed girl) and he must fight for his honor, his freedom, and justice! In the ultimate battle, who will prevail?!
I'm actually amazed, given what I've seen and heard of these people, that they could actually be this sensitive to the beauty of nature. "This sensitive" being a relative term, of course, given the aforementioned fucking rainbows etc.
Wait, did he seriously write a book called 'The Coldest Lighthouse'? That is The Stupidest Title! He just threw together two emotionally provocative dum-dum words (cold, because it evokes coldness, lighthouse because it evokes kitschy ocean scenes). Argh.
I'm an author myself, and I went out and dug myself a grave just so I could roll in it. I just want to puke ragecookies! I've spent the last ten years of my life writing a novel that is still far from finished and I feel mounds of inadequacy smothering me every day. Why is it that the absolute worst writers are almost the most hideously self-absorbed and blind to their own lack of talent? It's like they think they shit gold. And they're always the pissiest when anyone criticzes them, even when it's meant to be constructive. Gah, I have met so many writers who are just horrible little turds, but this guy takes the turd-crown.
What a dum-dum of a movie. I mean, the titular character is a European cowboy of some sort who seems to be entirely made of leather (also he apparently wears a cute little turtleneck sweater under all that cowhide?) and he runs around with an automatic crossbow (we want to pretend he's not really a cowboy?) working for the Vatican. Cools.
Also, why are werewolves and vampires always opposites? Can anyone tell me? Did I miss something?
I had a dream last night that Lindsey Lohan was my sort-of friend and she took me to a fancy club then dumped me to go get drunk with a random guy she just met, so then I went to a Videogum pool party instead, and a person dressed like Donald Duck did a cannonball into the pool from the top of a building. The unconscious mind is a wondrous thing.
But how do I sleep if I have Exploding Head Syndrome???!!? That's scary stuff!
Google it. I swear it's real!! This is important information for this videocommunity.
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