Lauries Planet Of Sound Do Not Never Ever Buy List

It’s hard enough for independent record stores to stay afloat in this economy, and even harder when you’ve got used bins full of unmovable crap that has been collecting dust since the Clinton administration. So it makes sense for shops to have guidelines helping to clarify for employees exactly what music to avoid from patrons hoping to trade in old CDs. Still, it must have been embarrassing for Chicago’s Laurie’s Planet of Sound when their “Do Not Never Ever Buy” list leaked to Twitter, even if it is few years old. (An aside: The double negative there is throwing me — wouldn’t that title actually encourage employees to buy music produced by the artists listed? Or at least allow for the possibility? “Do not never ever buy this music”? Doesn’t that mean, “once in a while you should buy it”? I digress.)

The list is stocked with clearly unsellable detritus. Come on, if you have to be told that Fun Lovin’ Criminals and Big Head Todd albums won’t move, should you really be working in a record store? But it does include a few surprises (Suede — or Svede, as it’s written here — should not be sandwiched between 808 State and the fucking Spin Doctors in any ontology). And, yes, “Lame/Sucky Soundtracks” are a bad buy, but who’s to say what’s lame? Some people really like The Crow soundtrack. I personally can’t stand the thing. Check out the list in full above and add or subtract as you see fit in the comments.

 
Comments (117)
  1. WELL HOW AM I GONNA GET MY SEVEN MARY THREE NOW?

  2. Lebowski appreciates that the Eagles are listed twice.

  3. Bozz Scaggs… with 2 Z’s

  4. Bubba Sparx… with not enough X’s

  5. Since k.d lang and Melissa Etheridge made the list, perhaps ‘Svede’ is really the lesbian jazz chanteuse who successfully sued the London band Suede over the rights to the name in the U.S.? (The London Suede was never quite as catchy.)

  6. The Eagles are on here twice, and it’s still not enough.

  7. Pretty much every addition I would make to the list is encapsulated by “Most 90s bands”.

  8. I would love to get my hand on some used Love Battery CDs. Dayglo is one of my absolute favorite albums but I’ve never seen anything else from them.

    The best item on the list is the handwritten addition “everything ‘Pitchforky.’”

    • I don’t get that, I would think Pitchforky music is a big part of what is keeping independent record stores in business. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.

      • I think they were kidding about that — implying that one day Sufjan Stevens will be filling these bins the same way Collective Soul is today.

        I think it’s hilarious that they get enough Love Battery trade-ins that they have to turn them away. Did that band even sell more than 5,000 copies of any record? (Not to disparage Love Battery, who were great.)

      • I’ve seen many copies of Dan Deacon and I’m from Barcelona sit in the used section of an indie music store.

      • I’ve been to this store a few times…. and it’s full of Pitchforky music. I’m not sure what to make of that part.

      • As someone who works in a used record store, let me tell you that current day indie stuff almost NEVER sells. Once stuff crosses over to where your uncle might like it, like Florence and the Machine or something, then yeah, its like hot cakes. But everything else from the last few years, even canonical stuff like Spiderland or Guided By Voices or something… almost never. Even priced at $4.99. It’s because indie kids are worse about never paying for anything than Selena Gomez fans. Its all on the hard-drive, they already crossed it off the list, why get it again?

        • I built a large portion of my music collection by buying used CDs. Mostly filling in gaps. But you just made me understand something I never got before. I always wondered “Why is great stuff like My Bloody Valentine and Stereolab and Tortoise just sitting here? How come nobody has snapped these things up yet?”

      • Funny because Pitchfork listed it as one of its favorite record stores: http://pitchfork.com/features/articles/8813-record-store-day/

      • yeah, that’s just kind of one of those uncreative hipstery lame-ass comments that makes everyone stop laughing after all the really funny people have gotten their most-hated on the list! like they couldn’t think of a band (I don’t see 311 on the list btw!!) but they remembered there was this pitchfork thing that they’ve never visited and name-dropped out of desperation to join in the laugh track!

  9. Where it says “most 90s bands” they mean besides Bush right?

  10. it makes me so sad to see King Missile on the list

  11. Ani shouldn’t be on this list. Everything else makes sense to me. LOL @ “2nd Tier Hip-Hop”

  12. I’m glad to see that Pitchfork has become an adjective now.

  13. I LOL’ed at King’s X. Come on, guys, what about Dogman?

  14. Aw, Ani Difranco :( The Queen of Independent music has been Done Wrong.
    See what I did there?

  15. Oh man, that record store WAS NOT prepared for Whitney’s death…

  16. I’m not sure why not wanting to buy Korn, Disturbed, and The Eagles would be embarrassing to Laurie’s Planet of Sound.

  17. Notice the huge amount of 90′s artists. So many CD’s were printed in the 90′s that they are worthless and impossible to get rid of.

  18. Oh great, what am I ever gonna do with all those P.O.D. and Rusted Root albums I’ve got?!

  19. P.O.D.!!!!! AAAAHAHAH.

  20. This list does not have enough 311 on it.

  21. And, wow, that’s the first time I’ve thought of the name “Joan Osborne” in at least 10 years. Probably longer.

  22. Mark Eitzel? Really?

  23. Some of these are quite understandable, but a lot of this can just be described as “rock people on the radio who used to be more famous.” So if they don’t want those people and they don’t want indie artists (!), do they just want really new rock people and hip hop? How boring…

  24. I love it when people act surprised about an artist they like on a list like this, but the majority of people have never even heard of them.

  25. John Mellencamp… we can still buy Johnny Cougar albums though, right?

  26. I love Planet of Sound. I’ll just make sure I don’t bring anything pitchfork-y in to them when I’m looking to buy more vinyl.

  27. Damn I guess I’ll have to hold on to my Mary’s Danish CDs (I have them all!).

  28. So… They are allowed to buy Brittney Spears, Thompson Twins, Lovin Spoonful, and Toto?
    Maybe it would be more advantageous to have a “We CAN buy” list.

  29. Anyone ever been in Laurie’s? Used to be my favorite record store, and its still pretty cool – but they don’t stock hardly ANY CDs anymore. It’s vinyl, hot sauce and obscure horror DVDs now. So it doesn’t surprise me that they don’t buy many (any) CDs back. The way the market’s moving, you’d be lucky to get 25 cents for a CD you bought the week before. Purchase wisely.

  30. How is anyone going to recognize the used section if it doesn’t have this stuff?

  31. Last fall I built a duck blind out of 1,800 copies of R.E.M.’s “Monster.”

  32. I am surprised by the Perry Ferrell/Porno for pyros ban….

  33. Since when did people stop listening to C+C Music Factory?

  34. Where else am I gonna sell my “Obscure Punk Comps”????

  35. Whatever, just means more Eagle-Eye Cherry, Marcy Playground and Angus: Music from the motion picture for this stud. Mama this surely is a dream.

  36. So here are the exclusions summed up:
    1. All 90s bands
    2. All 60s/70s CDs from the 80s/90s/and 2000s (meaning ALL 60s and 70s CDs?)
    3. Soundtracks
    4. Everything Pitchforky
    5. Most 80s pop artists
    6. Korn and the Deftones

    So basically the only thing they’d buy is Justin Beiber and Anthrax?

    • It’s a very extensive list. I would have a lot of questions if I had just started working at this place. I guess whoever brings in the classical CDs is about to become a millionaire.

    • I interpret the “60s/70s artists CDs from the 80s/90s/00s” as meaning basically “later albums from has-beens” — I’m thinking later albums from McCartney, Bob Seger, Rod Stewart, etc.

  37. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  38. kind of amazed they don’t have Belly on here–is there a used CD section on earth that doesn’t have a couple copies of “King”? PS: Grifters? c’mon, “Ain’t My Lookout” is awesome!

  39. I cuurently own CDs from eight artists specifically included on this list (i.e. not including generalizations like “most 90s bands”). Fortunately for me, I’m not planning on selling them any time soon.

  40. ill buy those king missile cds… Muffin – Grifters rock!

  41. Some people just do not appreciate the brilliance that is Deep Blue Something.

  42. I recently sold a bunch of my CDs. I was pleasantly surprised how many I was able to move, however I did have some of the above black-listed CD’s.

    To get around it, I just peddled ‘em to multiple stores.

  43. wonder what made them put the awesome Therapy? at the top of the list?

    • Therapy? is my all time favorite band. And, their stuff is hard to find in the US. I own everything they have ever released. It took me years to assemble my T? collection. I bought everything I could find at every used record store. And about 6 months ago I bought the last two vinyls they had at Wax Trax. I know most people here have not heard of them, and so I can understand why the CD’s don’t sell well.

  44. I work in a CD store part time and I have to say we sell a lot of these titles on a regular basis(Journey, Eagles and The Eagles, STP, Kid Rock, Korn, Kiss, & yes The Crow OST). Let me get on my high horse and say that some of the CDs listed kind of show the ignorance of the contributors to the list: Grifters, King’s X(a lot of their albums are out of print), Therapy?, Mark Eitzel, Samiam, Love Battery, Most 90′s Bands, etc…

  45. I’ve been pondering selling my CDs for a while now, but I know they probably wouldn’t get much. One thing that’s funny is that I remember seeing “review copies” of used CDs years ago, whereas nowadays everything’s an mp3 zip. As more and more people are posting album reviews, there’s no more review copies. Or are there? #Schrödinger

  46. Poor Tanya Donelly…she’s my absolute favorite on this sad list. Far too unappreciated.

  47. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  48. i think any compilation ever, unless it’s rough trade, merge or..i dunno. this includes “music inspired by” red hot and… and just about any tv show soundtrack (friends, ally mcbeal, melrose place, etc. this being said though, i think the having worked in a cd store, if you tell the customer “we can’t take these”, they usually just leave them anyway (either too shit, or scratched) and if the jewel cases are salvageable, it’s normally a win to rescue some old broken ones, or use for “mix cd’s” and demos. i love jewel cases.

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