You’ve been waiting patiently all weekend, so let’s get this thing going. Welcome to this year’s MTV Video Music Awards, this year featuring three whole awards dedicated to videos! We’ve been hypnotized by John Norris’s amazing new wig, Kanye’s plastic-looking facial hair, and Paris’s wonky eye. But all that’s behind us. Live blog begins … now.
8:36
Suchin says “the party has officially started”! If you’re just tuning in, you haven’t missed much. When did Boys Like Girls become popular? LC cleans up nice.
8:49
And, controversy already! Kanye’s upset that he wasn’t chosen to open the awards. “Maybe my money?s not right. Maybe my skin?s not right.” Maybe you’re mind’s not right? Everybody’s out to get you, ‘Ye.
8:58
Ah, the Foos, breaking down their crazy suite (Josh Homme, Lemmy, Mastodon). A moment in VMAs history: 10 years ago Pat Smear announced he was quitting the band. And tonight? Cee-Lo joins Foo Fighters! In a flasher jacket, no less.
9:00
Okay, let’s get this out of the way: It’s Britney, bitch.
9:02
Wow, she’s not even trying to feign singing. Her lip syncing is almost as bad as her weave.
9:04
Oh Criss Angel, this is the time to make her disappear.
9:04
Crowd reaction shots: Black people don’t care about Britney.
9:06
Sarah Silverman brings up Britney. Brace for it…
9:07
Wow Sarah. Way to use those stretched lips to suck all the air out of the room.
9:08
Mark Ronson will be re-versioning songs you love all night long with his house band, “Watered Down Motown.” You could really hear his guitar!
9:11
Pete Wentz’s mic doesn’t work. Wishes do come true!
9:13
Eve’s on stage, her alcohol-monitoring anklet is not. Sweet iMovie graphics, MTV. You really do get Web 2.0.
9:15
Rihanna wins her first of 15 awards for Monster Single Of The Year.
9:16
Kanye’s suite features one dude without the regulation ventilated, venetian shades. He’s getting kicked out momentarily, unless he can come up with a blond dyke.
9:19
Commercial break. Let’s watch this.
9:24
Hey, it’s Thicke! He’s looking a lot like Alan these days. And Jennifer Hudson. We once ran into her at JFK airport once. At Hudson News. True story.
9:26
Justin Timberlake wins quadruple threat. We challenge: Isn’t he a quintuple threat?
9:28
Unfortunately the FOB mics are working now. Pete throws his bass! How rawk. It hit Krist Novoselic.
9:33
“What if I say I’m not like the others.” Said the Foo’s cellist.
9:35
It’s the Most Earth-Shattering Collab award, presented by good friends Kanye and Fifty. Someone’s overdressed.
9:36
Most Earth-Shattering Collab goes to Beyoncé. She snubbed 50 Cent for a smooch.
9:38
Adam Levine & the Dap Kings. Nice vest.
9:41
Another commercial. You know you wanna watch this again.
9:43
Shock G aka Humpty?
9:45
Chris Brown’s pod-hopping performance has us thinking: Lip syncing ain’t what it used to be. It’s okay, 50 Cent made screwing up your sync cool. Reminds us of our last trip to Benihana.
9:49
Thanks Rihanna, that was actually pretty good!
9:51
Should we really have a Michael Jackson song playing when little children are in such close proximity?
9:52
Hey, a “D.A.N.C.E.” bumper! Tip your glasses, kids.
9:53
Hey Farnsworth! Where ya been man? You inpsired Rihanna’s biggest hit and all, thought you’d be everywhere.
9:58
Male artist of the year goes to … Justin Timberlake. He’s joined by the Maestro. Wow JT’s amazing humility, tempered by a douchey “dayum.” Okay, humble pie, “play more vids MTV,” etc. … this speech was Justin’s attempt to be the people’s champion. Buying it? And did he just dis the Simpsons movie?
9:59
MTV heeds JT’s complaints with … a commercial for A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila!
10:06
JT’s getting arrested for that speech! Oh no, he’s just being led down a hallway to sing “Ayo Technology.”
10:08
Hey it’s Shia the Beef! And he announced the title of the new Indy flick: Indiana Jones And The… actually we don’t care.
10:10
Female artist of the year: Fergie! Is she even a woman? Ludacris refused to stand. He’s got an erection.
10:11
Kanye’s bringing the “Good Life” to his Palms suite. Is the good life better than the life we live? Looks like it! But at least we have better taste in tuxes and shades.
10:19
It’s a Fueled By Ramen extravaganza! Gym Class Heroes, Brandon Urie, Fall Out Boy, and some rappers we don’t recognize.
10:22
The girl from Transformers sends it over to … Aaron Neville? Pass the cocoa butter. Oh, right, it’s an out-of-breath maestro. Timbaland brings us Linkin Park. Rick Rubin, now we see! You are definitely maybe our savior.
10:25
Hey the Entourage guys come out to muted applause. It’s gotta be weird for Adrian Grenier to play someone infinitely more famous than he’ll ever be. But at least he’s filming for that documentary that was his excuse for hanging with Paris Hilton for a week.
10:28
Serj Tarkanian performs to an audience including Jesus Christ! Or Ted Nugent. Can’t really tell. And, really, they’re so easily confused.
10:33
Rihanna + Fall Out Boy = Actually fuck it we’re terrible at math. Seth Rogen and Bill Hader! Swoon. Kid Rock has no teeth. And let’s take a quickie poll: Peter Bjorn & John’s chances of winning Best New Artist? We’ll start the bidding at 0%.
10:35
Alicia’s lookin’ like a cross of Dr. Teeth and Rowlf. Probably that hairnet. They’ve got Alicia Keys working the kitchen before/after her performance.
10:45
Alright everybody, 15 minutes left! We can make it together! As long as we all take a sippy sip right abouts now. And, go! Just in time to make noise for Jamie Foxx.
10:47
The Foxx will not let the Garner speak. Speak, Garner!
10:48
Anyone know when Jamie Foxx’s new movie’s coming out?
10:49
“The winner is Gym Class Fall Out”? Hey did Jennifer Garner just make a music joke? That’s probably giving her too much credit. Must be she can’t read.
10:50
Hey it’s that girl from the internet! Miss South Carolina, you’re saying words but somehow, such as, you’re not, making sense. Definitely digging this Mark Ronson/Miss South Carolina re-version.
10:52
“fall out boy is the biggest waste of air in the history of breathing and air and history and waste and boys.” steve, we love you.
10:57
Hey Ronson brought Daniel Merriweather in for “Stop Me.” And he shaved that soul patch. Mary J. Blige thanks you.
10:58
Mary J’s giving props to an innovating producer. How much you wanna bet she’s not talking about Steve Albini?
10:59
Holy shit Dre’s HUGE! The Doctor’s been using performance enhancing chronic.
11:00
And the video of the year goes to … Rihanna! Okay, three awards, we were off on our prediction of 15. Since there aren’t 15 awards, we aren’t surprised. Diddy promises one more big performance. Aside from the Tommy Lee vs. Kid Rock punchout.
11:06
So the special performance stars Nelly’s poor choice of dress, Timbaland’s beef pipes, the people’s champ JT, and possibly that girl who won the phoneathon to sing with JT during the Grammys. Justin’s dancing. Anybody know where Chris Brown is?
11:12
And, we’re done. Sway said “This one goes out to my girl Britney who asked ‘What time do I go on?’”
11:15
So that’s it. Was there even a highlight? Judging by the pall in this room, we’re thinking no. We’d say we’ll see ya next year, but first we’ll see if they don’t cancel this thing. In summation: see Fifty’s face.
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Scott Lapatine works/worked for MTV. Bite the hand that feeds?
FIRST
IRONIC
lip sync!
Not true, but I worked at VH1 a few years ago!
WOW. Britney is looks like she is in slow motion.
wow… you are right… didn’t even try. Stoned or what? That was pathetic.
Oh wow…that was horrible!!!!!!!!!!! I was really rooting for her…but oh wow
well that was exciting
booooo sarah silverman.
paris hilton is wearing her hair like my grandma.
Christ Britney could have attempted to move her mouth. I thought criss angel was going on and doing an illusion. Oh and that Amy Winehouse joke, solid.
two words for this show…
AK
WARD
=P
ok… what happened to all the magic and shit that was supposed to go down with britney? that was completely underwhelming.
bwaaaahahahahaha! pete wentz’s mic wasn’t on. good job!
I cannot believe this is actually happening. No wonder it is only being aired once.
let’s just have one category that doesn’t make any sense and has like 20 nominees.
britney could have benefited from a meth lollipop, methinks.
wooo! glad ‘umbrella’ won!
i wanna eat pudding off rihanna’s cleave. hottttt.
doesn’t MTV have its own pay music service they can hype over a decent kanye west performance? wouldn’t it make more sense to advertise that than REAL AUDIO?
AWESOME timing for my cable to cut out.
good thing you guys are here!
mtv is too cool for a podium obviously
Why is Alicia Keys hosting?
What is a Monster single?
Why does it look like all the fun is in the rooms?
since when did alan thicke’s son become “R&B royalty”?? i missed something.
justin timberlake is totally drunk
Timberlake went there! Way to tell MTV to “play more videossssss!”
Aziz?
lol fall out boy is so terrible, i’d throw that guitar after such a terrible performance too.
I play pop punk and smash my guitar.
yeah, i’m cool.
more spencer!!!
loving this new foo fighter song…
PAT SMEAR!
Does this Ronson kid think that covering all his favorite pop songs with his favorite instruments is somehow interesting or creative?
He just gets away with it because his label foots the bill for all the blatant sampling.
How the fuck do people fall for all this KARAOKE?
earth shattering!
gwen and akon were robbed! i’ve never even heard this beyonce/shakira song.
I know he’s played with them during their accoustic shows and album, but I didn’t expect to see Pat playing in the suite with them. Rad!
adam levine is wearing the gayest outfit ever.
i do believe the cellist with the foos was tanya hayden, sister of rachel and petra, wife of jack black
this is the dumbest VMA ever
this show needs more celine dion.
I think I might have missed some blog posts about Kanye’s conversion to Islam.
Best part was Kayne and 50 walking out to present to a Justice tune.
who is hosting?
are we going to get to see any performances from start to finish?
i’m enjoying the commercials more than the show. true.
we care about CHRIS BROWN enough to have him “featured” more than FOO FIGHTERS or T.I. or JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE or ANYONE? he is like the lowest tier of ANY PERFORMER SO FAR
chris brown can dance, but can’t lip sync to save his life.
seriously, who is supposed to be the host?
yeah chris brown is “one of the biggest artists in the world”? when did this happen?
is anyone actually going to sing?
like actually open their mouths and have words come out?
oh wait. i think rihanna is.
Oh not, not old Michael Jackson moves. Really? people still get excited over that?
less chris brown, more rihanna please!
the cellist with the foo fighters was jessy green.
alright this blows.
who else cant wait for curb your enthusiasm?
Kids Choice Awards + BET Awards =
agreed shitehead!
Timberland needs to transfer some of his weight over to Timberlake.
JT’s my hero
more douchbaggery from justin timberlake! amazing!
shitehead has it DEAD ON!
Damn! C-Lo’s getting down. Too bad we won’t be able to see the whole performance.
JT’s acceptance speech = more awkward then freshman year homecoming dance.
If myspace.com/TilaTequila gets her own show on MTV, we ALL deserve our own fucking show.
But seriously, I really do.
Poor LC!!!! You know she was getting wet just thinking about her potential hug with JT… Unfortunately he chose to bash MTV reality shows and walk off stage with a douchey grin on his face.
Does “live blog” mean “turn the snark factor to 11?”
JT: “play more videos! no more reality garbage.”
MTV: “We made you and we can break you, JT.”[Tila Tequilla commercial]
Sean, I think you’re looking for PerezHilton.com
Nice meeting you…
Britney video’s already been taken down. Pity.
Ok, enough JT. Seriously, let’s get on with it. Oooh, Shia LeBEEF!!!
Could we have one woman on this show fully clothed and/or not on a stripper pole??? Wtf are they targeting to teenagers? Somebody sedate me please.
Any coincidence that MTV died during the reign of Dubya?
Motherfucker.
definitely the LAST person who should’ve won the ‘best female of the year.’ in fact, i shouldve won it before fergie… geeeeeeeez
ok, i’m a little late to all this. what in the hell is happening on MTV right now? it’s beyond surreal.
here comes ludacris! hilarity
hey, internet gangsta–the answer is YES. any other way to do it? come on now.
Ok, I’m ready to tune out, unless someone can confirm there’ll be a second Britney performance. Anyone?
nobody accepting that award and dude just stealing it was gold. what a total production disaster.
they showed sara silverman sitting in the audience. guess she was’t stoned to death for the britney comment. i wish she was the host.
why would you WANT another britney performance?!
The Muffin Man: you couldn’t be more wrong. MTV died the day they took Downtown Julie Brown off the air.
easy there, this is a family blog!
kanye is so full of kanye
The future of America looks very bright and very exciting.
are you kidding?? my fingers are crossed for MORE BRITNEY. she’s so bad, it’s GOOD!
since when did selma hayek have a baby with demi moore…of course i am referring to the girl who was on stage before timbaland began shamelessly waving his armpits in public.
wtf is that fort minor??????
More Timbo less Linkin Park
i have to agree w/potatochip on this one. its kind of like watching nascar (irony?), just waiting for the inevitable car crash– except every second is a car crash if britney and her lover criss angel are involved.
man there is nothing more exciting or innovative than a linkin park performance in a nightclub with a lot of lights
thank you for liveblogging. i’m stuck at work. what did sarah silverman say about britney spears anyway?
Lil’ Wayne with the night’s first — and likely only — moment of spontaneity & improvisation.
I usually don’t care about Black People, but I give him his props….
i thought VMAs is about videos??
i’m glad britney wore underwear… i think
sarah silverman… don’t get me started
what else is next? beyonce tripping (again)? more lip-synching? why on earth am i still watching?
what the fuck is wrong with america
Uhh the non-Fuel By Ramen rappers are Lil’ Wayne and someguy named Eugene based on his Neon lettering on his T-Shirt
why does pete wentz think he’s the lead singer?
i dont know if its a good thing or a bad thing that fallout boy beat the white stripes for an mtv award. any thoughts?
Serg on a DK song is a pretty good fit.
I think even the Christian Music Awards have usurped the VMAs in terms of coolness.
Oh shit, wait, here comes Serj Tankian…
SHIT! I wish they let Foos and the dude finish singing “Holiday in Cambodia!!! That’s like one of my fave songs!!
DAMN you MTV!!
a scripted drama! take that, JT!
Oh Lord the things I would do to that Neutrogena Girl’s mother…
The latest Spears trainwreck:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2y0vv_britney-spears-gimme-more-live-vmas_events
(don’t know how long it will last, Dailymotion are killing the clips as soon as they are uploaded)
Hey what happened with the Criss Angel thing ? I thought she was going to disappear or something.
Or was that just me hoping ?