You’ve been waiting patiently all weekend, so let’s get this thing going. Welcome to this year’s MTV Video Music Awards, this year featuring three whole awards dedicated to videos! We’ve been hypnotized by John Norris’s amazing new wig, Kanye’s plastic-looking facial hair, and Paris’s wonky eye. But all that’s behind us. Live blog begins … now.

Suchin says “the party has officially started”! If you’re just tuning in, you haven’t missed much. When did Boys Like Girls become popular? LC cleans up nice.

And, controversy already! Kanye’s upset that he wasn’t chosen to open the awards. “Maybe my money?s not right. Maybe my skin?s not right.” Maybe you’re mind’s not right? Everybody’s out to get you, ’Ye.

Ah, the Foos, breaking down their crazy suite (Josh Homme, Lemmy, Mastodon). A moment in VMAs history: 10 years ago Pat Smear announced he was quitting the band. And tonight? Cee-Lo joins Foo Fighters! In a flasher jacket, no less.

Okay, let’s get this out of the way: It’s Britney, bitch.

Wow, she’s not even trying to feign singing. Her lip syncing is almost as bad as her weave.

Oh Criss Angel, this is the time to make her disappear.

Crowd reaction shots: Black people don’t care about Britney.

Sarah Silverman brings up Britney. Brace for it…

Wow Sarah. Way to use those stretched lips to suck all the air out of the room.

Mark Ronson will be re-versioning songs you love all night long with his house band, “Watered Down Motown.” You could really hear his guitar!

Pete Wentz’s mic doesn’t work. Wishes do come true!

Eve’s on stage, her alcohol-monitoring anklet is not. Sweet iMovie graphics, MTV. You really do get Web 2.0.

Rihanna wins her first of 15 awards for Monster Single Of The Year.

Kanye’s suite features one dude without the regulation ventilated, venetian shades. He’s getting kicked out momentarily, unless he can come up with a blond dyke.

Commercial break. Let’s watch this.

Hey, it’s Thicke! He’s looking a lot like Alan these days. And Jennifer Hudson. We once ran into her at JFK airport once. At Hudson News. True story.

Justin Timberlake wins quadruple threat. We challenge: Isn’t he a quintuple threat?

Unfortunately the FOB mics are working now. Pete throws his bass! How rawk. It hit Krist Novoselic.

“What if I say I’m not like the others.” Said the Foo’s cellist.

It’s the Most Earth-Shattering Collab award, presented by good friends Kanye and Fifty. Someone’s overdressed.

Most Earth-Shattering Collab goes to Beyoncé. She snubbed 50 Cent for a smooch.

Adam Levine & the Dap Kings. Nice vest.

Another commercial. You know you wanna watch this again.

Shock G aka Humpty?

Chris Brown’s pod-hopping performance has us thinking: Lip syncing ain’t what it used to be. It’s okay, 50 Cent made screwing up your sync cool. Reminds us of our last trip to Benihana.

Thanks Rihanna, that was actually pretty good!

Should we really have a Michael Jackson song playing when little children are in such close proximity?

Hey, a “D.A.N.C.E.” bumper! Tip your glasses, kids.

Hey Farnsworth! Where ya been man? You inpsired Rihanna’s biggest hit and all, thought you’d be everywhere.

Male artist of the year goes to … Justin Timberlake. He’s joined by the Maestro. Wow JT’s amazing humility, tempered by a douchey “dayum.” Okay, humble pie, “play more vids MTV,” etc. … this speech was Justin’s attempt to be the people’s champion. Buying it? And did he just dis the Simpsons movie?

MTV heeds JT’s complaints with … a commercial for A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila!

JT’s getting arrested for that speech! Oh no, he’s just being led down a hallway to sing “Ayo Technology.”

Hey it’s Shia the Beef! And he announced the title of the new Indy flick: Indiana Jones And The… actually we don’t care.

Female artist of the year: Fergie! Is she even a woman? Ludacris refused to stand. He’s got an erection.

Kanye’s bringing the “Good Life” to his Palms suite. Is the good life better than the life we live? Looks like it! But at least we have better taste in tuxes and shades.

It’s a Fueled By Ramen extravaganza! Gym Class Heroes, Brandon Urie, Fall Out Boy, and some rappers we don’t recognize.

The girl from Transformers sends it over to … Aaron Neville? Pass the cocoa butter. Oh, right, it’s an out-of-breath maestro. Timbaland brings us Linkin Park. Rick Rubin, now we see! You are definitely maybe our savior.

Hey the Entourage guys come out to muted applause. It’s gotta be weird for Adrian Grenier to play someone infinitely more famous than he’ll ever be. But at least he’s filming for that documentary that was his excuse for hanging with Paris Hilton for a week.

Serj Tarkanian performs to an audience including Jesus Christ! Or Ted Nugent. Can’t really tell. And, really, they’re so easily confused.

Rihanna + Fall Out Boy = Actually fuck it we’re terrible at math. Seth Rogen and Bill Hader! Swoon. Kid Rock has no teeth. And let’s take a quickie poll: Peter Bjorn & John’s chances of winning Best New Artist? We’ll start the bidding at 0%.

Alicia’s lookin’ like a cross of Dr. Teeth and Rowlf. Probably that hairnet. They’ve got Alicia Keys working the kitchen before/after her performance.

Alright everybody, 15 minutes left! We can make it together! As long as we all take a sippy sip right abouts now. And, go! Just in time to make noise for Jamie Foxx.

The Foxx will not let the Garner speak. Speak, Garner!

Anyone know when Jamie Foxx’s new movie’s coming out?

“The winner is Gym Class Fall Out”? Hey did Jennifer Garner just make a music joke? That’s probably giving her too much credit. Must be she can’t read.

Hey it’s that girl from the internet! Miss South Carolina, you’re saying words but somehow, such as, you’re not, making sense. Definitely digging this Mark Ronson/Miss South Carolina re-version.

“fall out boy is the biggest waste of air in the history of breathing and air and history and waste and boys.” steve, we love you.

Hey Ronson brought Daniel Merriweather in for “Stop Me.” And he shaved that soul patch. Mary J. Blige thanks you.

Mary J’s giving props to an innovating producer. How much you wanna bet she’s not talking about Steve Albini?

Holy shit Dre’s HUGE! The Doctor’s been using performance enhancing chronic.

And the video of the year goes to … Rihanna! Okay, three awards, we were off on our prediction of 15. Since there aren’t 15 awards, we aren’t surprised. Diddy promises one more big performance. Aside from the Tommy Lee vs. Kid Rock punchout.

So the special performance stars Nelly’s poor choice of dress, Timbaland’s beef pipes, the people’s champ JT, and possibly that girl who won the phoneathon to sing with JT during the Grammys. Justin’s dancing. Anybody know where Chris Brown is?

And, we’re done. Sway said “This one goes out to my girl Britney who asked ’What time do I go on?’”

So that’s it. Was there even a highlight? Judging by the pall in this room, we’re thinking no. We’d say we’ll see ya next year, but first we’ll see if they don’t cancel this thing. In summation: see Fifty’s face.

Comments (214)
  1. mtv staff  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    Scott Lapatine works/worked for MTV. Bite the hand that feeds?

  2. FIRST  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0


  3. third  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0


  4. beto  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    lip sync!

  5. Not true, but I worked at VH1 a few years ago!

  6. Victor Mark  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    WOW. Britney is looks like she is in slow motion.

  7. wow… you are right… didn’t even try. Stoned or what? That was pathetic.

  8. Jeff  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    Oh wow…that was horrible!!!!!!!!!!! I was really rooting for her…but oh wow

  9. well that was exciting

  10. bunny  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    booooo sarah silverman.

  11. potatochip  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    paris hilton is wearing her hair like my grandma.

  12. Jonathan  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    Christ Britney could have attempted to move her mouth. I thought criss angel was going on and doing an illusion. Oh and that Amy Winehouse joke, solid.

  13. two words for this show…



  14. dave  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    ok… what happened to all the magic and shit that was supposed to go down with britney? that was completely underwhelming.

  15. bunny  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    bwaaaahahahahaha! pete wentz’s mic wasn’t on. good job!

  16. Hellary  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    I cannot believe this is actually happening. No wonder it is only being aired once.

  17. chris  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    let’s just have one category that doesn’t make any sense and has like 20 nominees.

  18. blegh  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    britney could have benefited from a meth lollipop, methinks.

  19. hot  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    wooo! glad ‘umbrella’ won!

  20. potatochip  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    i wanna eat pudding off rihanna’s cleave. hottttt.

  21. chris  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    doesn’t MTV have its own pay music service they can hype over a decent kanye west performance? wouldn’t it make more sense to advertise that than REAL AUDIO?

  22. kat  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    AWESOME timing for my cable to cut out.
    good thing you guys are here!

  23. the FeRg  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    mtv is too cool for a podium obviously

  24. Victor Mark  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    Why is Alicia Keys hosting?
    What is a Monster single?
    Why does it look like all the fun is in the rooms?

  25. cait  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    since when did alan thicke’s son become “R&B royalty”?? i missed something.

  26. chris  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    justin timberlake is totally drunk

  27. Timberlake went there! Way to tell MTV to “play more videossssss!”

  28. Aziz?

  29. the FeRg  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    lol fall out boy is so terrible, i’d throw that guitar after such a terrible performance too.

  30. tyler  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    I play pop punk and smash my guitar.
    yeah, i’m cool.

  31. bunny  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    more spencer!!!

  32. potatochip  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    loving this new foo fighter song…

  33. mike  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0


  34. sunshone.  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    Does this Ronson kid think that covering all his favorite pop songs with his favorite instruments is somehow interesting or creative?

    He just gets away with it because his label foots the bill for all the blatant sampling.

    How the fuck do people fall for all this KARAOKE?

  35. alex  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    earth shattering!

  36. bunny  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    gwen and akon were robbed! i’ve never even heard this beyonce/shakira song.

  37. I know he’s played with them during their accoustic shows and album, but I didn’t expect to see Pat playing in the suite with them. Rad!

  38. potatochip  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    adam levine is wearing the gayest outfit ever.

  39. Tom  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    i do believe the cellist with the foos was tanya hayden, sister of rachel and petra, wife of jack black

  40. Christine  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    this is the dumbest VMA ever

  41. celine  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    this show needs more celine dion.

  42. I think I might have missed some blog posts about Kanye’s conversion to Islam.

  43. Sarah  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    Best part was Kayne and 50 walking out to present to a Justice tune.

  44. Christine  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    who is hosting?
    are we going to get to see any performances from start to finish?

  45. dave  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    i’m enjoying the commercials more than the show. true.

  46. chris  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    we care about CHRIS BROWN enough to have him “featured” more than FOO FIGHTERS or T.I. or JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE or ANYONE? he is like the lowest tier of ANY PERFORMER SO FAR

  47. potatochip  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    chris brown can dance, but can’t lip sync to save his life.

  48. Christine  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    seriously, who is supposed to be the host?

  49. steve  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    yeah chris brown is “one of the biggest artists in the world”? when did this happen?

  50. mikey  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2007 0

    is anyone actually going to sing?
    like actually open their mouths and have words come out?
    oh wait. i think rihanna is.

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