Canadian Indie Rockers Tell You How To Live Your Life

Not generally. Generally they just shape our lives by being arty and so great to listen to while wearing our tight jeans and other stereotypical things of that nature. I mean very specifically, there are some Canadian indie rockers who are literally dispensing life advice by taking over Amy Sedaris’s “Sedaratives” column in the music issue of The Believer. These include Sara Quin, A.C. Newman, and Owen Pallett. Again they’re taking over a space that belongs to Amy Sedaris, so think less “The Ethicist” and more “The Unethicist,” and then check Owen’s response to the Q “Are babies worth the hassle of pregnancy?” submitted by Unwilling Mother:

Dear Unwilling Mother,

This is an excellent question. I don’t have any children, nor am I a woman, so I went to an expert: my mother. She said, “No. The nine months of pregnancy are just the beginning. Once the baby is born, you will lose your identity. Your baby’s birth will also be your death. Not literally, of course, but the death of the vibrant, exciting woman that you’ve spent your whole life working on. You will lose contact with friends. Your writing will suffer. And the so-called ‘bliss of parenthood’ is a sham too. You’ll find yourself talking less about your beautiful new infant and more about the weight you’ve gained.”

Thanks, Mom! I love you too.

Owen Pallett, Final Fantasy

It’s almost surprising it’s not Final Fantasy that’s his birthname (violin tap simulating rimshot). Up next is A.C. Newman, and with a bandname like the New Pornographers what do you think he’s giving advice about? Well you’re right. It’s cooking.

Dear Sedaratives,
I’m much better at cooking then baking. I’ve heard that people who excel at cooking are right-brained, while bakers tend to be left-brained. Could this be true?
Desperate in the Kitchen
San Francisco, CA

Dear Desperate,
As far as I know, baking is the same as cooking, isn’t it? Isn’t baking a form of cooking? Am I alone on this one? This is a trick question. There is no logical answer. Who put you up to this? Was it my wife? You know, I don’t cook because I can’t cook. It is not laziness. Is the world a better place if I fill it with my shitty cooking?

A.C. Newman, The New Pornographers

You can read Sara’s at The Believer site, but for the rest of the Canucks — the Weakerthans’ John K. Samson, Hot Hot Heat’s Steve Bays, Barenaked Ladies’ Steven Page — you’ll just have to pick up the music issue at the book store. But whatever, it’s totally worth it: This way you can read Brandon’s 20 page black metal piece! Check an excerpt here. Is it a conflict of interest for me to say it is fucking awesome? Because it is.