This Is A Secret Message To Charlie: Run!

Charlie, you may be far away in Guatamala, but this objectively gorgeous young woman loves you. She also loves her yoga instructors. She’s in a really good place right now, but she doesn’t think about you at all, but in a good way. She’s not pining for some lost love or anything. She liked the CD you made her, it was so sweet and cute! Oh yeah, and she has THE CRAZY EYES TO END ALL CRAZY EYES. Charlie, you can never come back to America. Change your name, burn your clothes, and get ready for a life on the run (you should probably stay away from Guatamala, too.) Charlie, she loves you. Save yourself:

Ahhhhh! The crazy eyes could be drugs, but the underminer/stalker combo bitch act seems 100% real. (Thanks for the tip, Jasper, and I hope this isn’t viral marketing!)