The Bachelor Dating Tip: Don’t Cry And Pick Your Nose At The Same Time

Don’t cry and pick your nose at the same time. In fact, don’t do either. It seems simple, almost innate, but on last night’s show, Shannon, a Dental Hygienist (and if you watched the first episode, the one who used the “joke teeth”) did all of the things wrong that you can possibly do on a date: cried, picked her nose, mouth-raped her date, Bachelor Jason Mesnick, and said “I won’t let you let me go. I won’t let you let me go.” Maybe someone out there can learn from this:

There’s this recurring theme on The Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise where the contestants are always using desperate measures show/convince the Designated Object Of Affection that they’re being “real” and “themselves” and, most weirdly, “opening up and being vulnerable and letting down their walls.” Almost all of the contestants who get kicked off mention that it’s because they didn’t let their guard down, when that is NEVER the problem. How more “real” and “vulnerable” can you get than hyperventilating on a dude while choking “I just want to get married. I just want to get married” on national television? JUST BE COOL, Bachelor contestants. Not that anyone capable of being cool would go on this show. Anyway, since last week’s fan-broken spoiler news about who “wins” this season of The Bachelor, more evidence surfaced yesterday to support the same hypothesis: someone else is alleging that it’s definitely Melissa — after analyzing her moles.