Friday Fight: The Future Of Reality Television

lindsay: So, hi, I have an idea for a reality show and it’s really good.
gabe: take it easy
gabe: what is your show?
lindsay: “Stamos Says What?”
gabe: what?
lindsay: That’s the name
gabe: what is it?
lindsay: A reality show about the daily struggles of actor John Stamos as he attempts to rebound from his divorce from Rebecca Romjin by adopting a child. Rebecca and Jerry O’Connell play the Spencer and Heidi of the show, and a recurring theme is Stamos’s frequent drunk dial calls to them.

lindsay: hence “Stamos Says What?”
gabe: you just made all that up
lindsay: well, he wants to adopt. He said so.
gabe: well, now he’ll never be able to if he’s on tv
gabe: I don’t think adoption agencies will let him put the kids through that
gabe: also, i don’t get the title
gabe: what does that have to do with anything?
lindsay: it’s just funny because of “homo says what?”
gabe: but reality shows have names that make sense
gabe: actually, all shows do
gabe: it’s a rule of shows that their names make sense and not just be one bloggers joke that only she gets
lindsay: well, he drunk dials his ex, Rebecca Romjin
lindsay: who is all “what did he just say?”
lindsay: “Stamos said what to me? Listen to this, Jerry”
gabe: you are making up scenes
lindsay: I bet he does though
gabe: you really should run hollywood
lindsay: jerry o’connell’s costars on Carpool call him Stamos to be mean
gabe: “you guys, i just made a bunch of stuff up because of a homo says what joke i had, make it happen”
lindsay: That is actually how it works
lindsay: I worked in TV, remember?
gabe: do not tell me how it works
gabe: you worked for comedy central’s website which makes how many reality shows?
lindsay: yeah but we were only two floors below development
lindsay: so that’s how it works
gabe: actually how many shows do they make that are even watchable?
lindsay: Four.
lindsay: That’s the new company tagline: “Four watchable shows at any given time.”
gabe: if that is your experience you are in trouble
gabe: when you start running Hollywood
gabe: stamos on a stick. That is your show. Stamos on a stick.
lindsay: Anyway, what is your big show idea?
gabe: my reality show
gabe: is that everyone who’s ever been on reality tv is dropped on an island
gabe: and have 24 hours to kill each other
gabe: and whoever is the last one alive gets killed in front of a live studio audience
lindsay: wasn’t that Real World: San Francisco?
lindsay: hahaha
lindsay: I laughed at my own joke
lindsay: because that was the only reality show then
lindsay: and pedro died.
gabe: good one, linds
gabe: stay classy
gabe: my reality show is that donald trump and paris hilton have to travel the country apologizing to people

gabe: for existing
gabe: and then at the end
gabe: they’re dropped on an island and have 24 hours to kill each otehr
gabe: and whoever survives gets killed in front of a live audience
lindsay: ha
gabe: i think there should be a show
gabe: called Danny Bonaduce is your boyfriend

gabe: and every week they just go up to people with a camera
gabe: and say “Danny Bonaduce Is Your Boyfriend”
gabe: and watch people get mad
gabe: and then danny bonaduce
gabe: gets stoned to death
gabe: in front of a live audience
gabe: not stoned, pressed
gabe: but instead of stones
gabe: they use free weights
lindsay: No, no, the show is he IS their bf for a week
lindsay: like they think they’re on wife swap
lindsay: but they take away their wives and give them danny
gabe: yes, wife swap but with danny bonaduce
gabe: intervention with danny bonaduce
gabe: basically every reality show should have danny bonaduce in it
gabe: but also a point in each season where he is murdered
lindsay: maybe like a murder mystery party
lindsay: who killed danny bonaduce?
gabe: ew
gabe: what?
gabe: danny bonaduce
gabe: is reality tv gold
lindsay: I don’t know
gabe: and you just ruined it
gabe: you cracked the code of how to make a bad reality show with danny bonaduce
gabe: it was said it couldn’t be done
lindsay: people could get money based on how many times they’re willing to lick danny bonaduce’s face
lindsay: How Many Times Can You Lick Danny Bonaduce?
gabe: man, i’m really glad
gabe: that you are not in charge of television
lindsay: Yes, because “Stamos Says What?” would really make television worse as a whole
lindsay: What about my other idea: So You Think You Can Tickle?
gabe: ugh
gabe: what are you talking about?
gabe: have you ever seen TV?
gabe: it’s stuff people WANT to watch
lindsay: I would absolutely tune in to see stars attempt to be the best tickler
gabe: how are they judged?
lindsay: based on how much the tickled person laughs
lindsay: there’s a safe word
lindsay: if they get the person to yell the safe word, they win. The contestants get money for how long they last.
lindsay: the safe word could be the name of a sponsored product
lindsay: “today’s tickling safe word is “Swiffer”
gabe: I like that your ideas for shows
gabe: are mainly focused on product placement
lindsay: Stamos Says What: Sponsored by Ambien!
gabe: I like that you are sending me a year and a half old story from an Australian news site as evidence that we need a John Stamos reality show
gabe: none of your shows have any murder in them
gabe: I want there to be a show in which Predators
gabe: from To Catch a Predator
gabe: have to compete against each other in challenges
lindsay: yes!
lindsay: I could actually get behind that show.
lindsay: Predator House
gabe: it should be like Road Rules but with Predators
gabe: Predators in an RV

gabe: all on top of each other
gabe: it’s so awkward when they try to bring a child back to the RV
gabe: and all the other predators are trying to sleep
lindsay: That’s terrible
lindsay: I just want to say to Videogum readers that I do not endorse that idea.
lindsay: I fight with that idea
lindsay: BUT the show should be sponsored by Mike’s Hard Lemonade because that’s what the predators brought over to the kids on dateline
lindsay: like all the time
lindsay: Mike’s Hard and condoms
gabe: wait, it’s ok to show mentally ill people on TV who suffer from uncontrollable urges, and ruin their lives nationally
gabe: but it’s not ok for someone to fuck a kid in an RV on televison?
gabe: I feel like that show was made for florida
gabe: every time they catch a predator, you can hear the cheers in florida from space
lindsay: They did a florida one and I was like “Shit, I hope nobody I went to high school with is on this…”
gabe: and then everyone you went to high school was on it
gabe: everyone
gabe: Anyway FUCK JOHN STAMOS.
lindsay: No way, everyone in America would tune in to watch Stamos make ambien drunk calls while trying to adopt a child.
lindsay: There could even be a sequel: “Stamos Says What, Now?”
lindsay: Done.