White Gold: Please Just Say This Means The “Got Milk?” Moustaches Are Over

The White Gold viral video campaign began a few weeks ago with a video about White Gold’s origins as a pussy-man who discovered milk and became a rock star and sang about milk in a voice that exactly recalls Andre the Giant’s rhyming session in The Princess Bride. The whole thing seems based on a top-secret gentleman’s duel between powerful rival ad wizards to come up with the most disconcerting ads for a product that comes out of cow boobies and might be what’s making the kids of America hit puberty at age 9.

“Finally” said one of the ad wizards “I have found something to beat thick, disgusting you-got-something-here-no-here-no-everywhere-eww-what-is-that moustaches on the Olsen twins and Meredith Viera and the Women of Tennis. I have bested you with something I shall call White Gold.”

The new one is about having strong teeth, bones, and a harem in the jungle, and contains lines like “Take a drink from the milky riv-ah!” Is this really going to sell milk to kids?

Alternate theory: it’s secretly an ad campaign for Silk Soymilk.

(Thanks to Golden Fiddle for tipping us off!)