Ever since the dawning of Portlandia, it’s become the cool thing to shit on Portland. (Full disclosure: I grew up 40 minutes outside the city). The latest to join these ranks is Isaac Brock of Modest Mouse, who had some particularly nasty things to say about the City Of Roses during an interview in Poland. As Portland alt-weekly mainstay Willamette Weekly points out, Brock told some eager Polish journalists all about how much he hates the city.
Brock said his decision to live in Portland was really more like an accident:
I didn’t mean to live in Portland. It was kind of an accident — I mean, the equivalent of my car breaking down there and me being like, well… I guess this is what I’m doing. I just can’t find a better alternate.
Brock considers Portland’s homeless people to be human turds:
Portland is weird, but it’s kind of a crappy weird. It is the most vagrant-ridden [city] — it’s really fuckin’ up my liberal mind. I’m just like, what a collection of human turds.
Brock owns an axe, and he’s not afraid to use it:
Within the one week before I came on this tour, I had to run people out of my house. Twice with axes.
Some residents of the city had the audacity to die near Brock’s home:
Two people died. This is within 300 feet of my house. It’s just a constant shitshow of fights. And that’s just Portland keeping itself weird.
Some of the even weirder Oregonians from Eugene have been moving to Portland to sell crafts:
Portland is like the last vestige of the die-hard hippie. Actually, Eugene, Ore., is. But some of them end up moving to Portland to sell crafts and weed.
He’s had a hard time policing people into being cool enough to keep Portland cool:
It’s a cool city. But a lot of the keeping itself weird is actually just allowing people to be complete pieces of shit. And that’s exhausting.
Lastly, legal weed in Portland has ruined the lives of some of Brock’s drug-dealer friends. It’s worrisome:
I’m really worried because weed’s legal as of now, and so many of my unemployable friends have just lost their job to legal weed. Who’s gonna buy their dried-up shit when you can actually get really good weed?…They gotta start a job program for the unemployed. Some of these people have no backup plan. Selling weed, that was it.
Brock does have a good point here about the unemployment rate in Oregon; it’s always been extremely high. Then again, that’s not a problem that’s confined just to PDX.
In case you were worried the quotes might be taken out of context or somehow doctored to sound this pretentious, you can hear them all in full below.