Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best Comments

If the only album released in 2025 were a new Joanna Newsom album I would be happy.

2017 Tom: this song is so great and the Hot 100 is so interesting, I will start a massive series about the whole process.

2018 Drake: lol hold my beer.

Gonna be a grim virtual year!

It’s amazing that even with how over saturated we are with Chalamet content these days, I still find him pretty likable all things considered.

Can't wait to book a trip to Cleveland Ohio to see the exhibits on all my favorite record company lawyers.

And Flying Up The Modern Rock Charts On Its Way To Peaking at No.5… it’s “Connected” by Stereo MCs.

Put “Connected” on the stereo and you have an automatic party. There’s something about “Connected” that makes people move, that makes people happy. That’s quite an accomplishment; particularly when your song is about the L.A. Riots. Also the Brixton Riots. Maybe also Maggie Thatcher and The Poll Tax. Everyone in Britain was banging on about Maggie Thatcher and The Poll Tax back in those days.

“Connected” is supposed to be about “human beings and the lack of connection there is between anything today.” It’s difficult to tell though, since Rob spends most of his time shouting out catch phrases, creating the impression that all Rob wanted to be in this life was a white - and very skinny - James Brown.

Catchphrases like “I Ain’t Gonna Go Blind.” And “Hear Me Out! Can You Hear Me Out?” And a whole lot of “gonna do it again.” Which he does do it again. He does it again and again.

Also “OW!”

For such a joyous little groove, “Connected” was allegedly quite painful to make: “I had to press the sampler button so much”, once for every single one of the “Aiii Aiii Aiii”s, “my finger bled onto the machine” Rob told “The Guardian.” Think about that next time you're partying to "Connected." And think about the L.A. Riots.

“Connected” is an 8

https://youtube.com/watch?v=aatK_l9Yuyk

And Flying Up The Modern Rock Charts On Its Way To Peaking at No.15 (and probably would have peaked even higher if they had released it a few months later, in order to capitalize on the Lorena Bobbitt saga, but I guess they weren’t to know)… it’s King Missile with “Detachable Penis.”

John S. Hall from King Missile was a fucking poet. As in, a proper poet. An East Village poet. A philosopher poet, who has this message for the world:

“a) life is hard, brutal, capricious and unfair, b) sometimes there is a benefit to seeing it clearly, and acknowledging it truthfully..., and c) other times it is best to find something to laugh about, lest despair crush one completely.“

In the case of “Detachable Penis” that something to laugh about is the fact that he has, a detachable penis, and all of the pros and cons that come with such an appendage… such as the fact that, when your penis is detachable, it’s extremely easy to lose.

Thus the saga begins.

Will John be able to find his “Detachable Penis”? Will it be in the medicine cabinet? Or will he forever have to sit down every time he takes a leak?

Spoiler Alert: he finds it on Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street. He sees his penis lying on a blanket. Next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. John had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but John talked him down to seventeen.

You would think that a song about a “Detachable Penis” would get old very fast. Perhaps I was less mature in 1993, but it never did. The concept of seeing your penis next to a broken toaster oven and then haggling over the price just never gets old.

“Detachable Penis” is a 9

https://youtube.com/watch?v=XBwPIFncng0

First time commenter! I've been so excited for this one! So happy about the 10/10. Crazy because I started officially chart watching the summer of 2012, right when Call Me Maybe went number one, and I started reading this column the first week of January this year, when CMM's article was posted. My other favorite 10/10 moment!

I remember when Bodak Yellow first started blowing up, I was living in Brooklyn and most importantly working in the Bronx! She was ALL OVER! It was so much fun getting off the subway hearing her bumping out of apartment windows and cars.

We hadn't had a single challenger to the throne of Nicki basically since her debut, and Cardi immediately felt like she was going to stay. I loved Motorsport and No Limit as well, it was such an exciting time in my life and obviously hers!

Hello, everyone,

I can't believe that it's coming up on almost seven years of hanging with you all.

I wanted to say thanks for another great year of your companionship while listening, learning, and laughing, within Tom and Scott's fun little corner of the internet.

Wishing all of our good Numbers Ones friends:

a healthy, productive, peaceful, and inspiring New Year.

Good on you all.

Looks like someone...

tried to set the night on fire

(I'm sorry)

The only injectable in my routine: