Mommy, What’s Oxycontin?

According to Us Weekly, Courtney Love lost her 11-year-old daughter at the Grammys on Sunday. “Where is she? How did my daughter get lost?” Courtney was heard screaming. When Frances was finally located backstage, the child was in tears. “Mommy, where were you? I couldn’t find you, Mommy!” Mommy was making out with Paris Hilton, sweetie.

I’m not swayed by Miss World’s latest attempt at relevance, but Slatch offers a compelling counter-argument: “No one really wants to buy America’s Sweetheart, but if it tanks, Courtney’s kid will probably have to watch her overdose again.”

In other news, word on the street is that R.E.M.’s next CD will sound “more like Vladimir Lenin.”