Jessica Simpson’s “A Public Affair”

We try to write about the Simpson siblings as infrequently as possible, lest the indie snob readers get all uppity. Especially Jessica, ’cause she doesn’t keep it real like our girl Ashlee. She doesn’t get wasted and belittle the employees at a Toronto McDonald’s, like we all do. She doesn’t get rhinoplasty then tell Marie Claire, “Everyone is made differently, and that’s what makes us beautiful and unique.” Most of all she doesn’t struggle with acid reflux.

But have you heard big sister’s new single?

Listen here.

Get this: Madonna doesn’t receive a songwriting credit on it! And you thought “Dani California” and “Mary Jane’s Last Dance” were too close for comfort.

Simpson’s spokesman tells NY Daily News, “To have your work be compared to one of Madonna’s greatest songs is very flattering.”

Whatever. I guess Madge (don’t you hate when people call her that? I never will again…) has bigger problems than Jessica Simpson. Like Mariah Carey and air conditioning. (Ashlee doesn’t sleep with air conditioning either! We totally saw it on Ryan Seacrest’s E! interview.)

At least she’s not sampling Mellencamp again. Though, creepily, her new album shares a title with our favorite Phil Collins movie.

And Dane Cook, really? Man, we were just starting to like him.