“A New Bank Was Born Today, And I’ll Tell You How”

Before Ethan Chandler settled on U2 for his merger celebrating song, he was working on bastardizing the likes of LCD Soundsystem, My Chemical Romance, The Hold Steady, and Death Cab. At least, that’s how DCeiver imagines it. Head over there for the lyrics to these abandoned efforts, but for now, dream up Ethan’s sweet croon set to the tune of “Transatlanticism”:

A new bank was born today, and I’ll tell you how…
The board members got together, and wrote it all out.

Higher standards are just the surface of a new bank we can cheer
Our core values inform every goal
We’ll make thousands upon thousands of dollars
Making cards with APRs that are low
So looo-oow

All our people are overjoyed, Liam McGee is so stoked…
Bank one looks like less of a threat, more like a joke
We got cards for your favorite teams and colleges, Cap One is silenced forever more
The distance was quite simply much too far for one to row
But two’ll go farther than ever before
Oh woooaaah.

We are now so much closer…
We are now so much closer…
I need Michelle Shepard so much closer…
We are now so much closer…

Don’t LOL! You’ll only encourage him.