WHAT IS HE DOING WITH HIS HEAD DURING THE STEAMER DEMONSTRATION???
And when he starts justifying to Troy the worth of Troy being forced to hold the camera for 20 minutes? This video has so much masturbation I'm this close to reporting it to the FCC.
When I saw this, I was going to lament the fact that it's always "Sabotage," but then you said you had to explain even this ubiquitous (GUESS NOT) selection from the Beastie oeuvre to one of those poor souls from Scandinavia who was raised in a basement rape room and doesn't know about bathrooms without video cameras and two-way mirrors. And then I felt old. And I said "SOMETHING'S GOT TO GIVE: THE VIDEO."
Um, Gabe.
"We can only speculate why wide-spread teabagging made Cavuto think of the Million Man March, unless he got them confused with Dick Army. And in Cavuto's defense, if you're planning simultaneous teabagging all around the country, you're going to need a... Dick Army."
I don't know about "seemingly unaware."
I'll be honest. I haven't seen the movie, and I just skimmed this review, but what I'm hearing is that Helen Hunt is a stripper with a burn victim fetish. So I'm going to go ahead and rent this movie.
[3 hours later]
You lied to me.
I think it was an episode of Spin City where the mayor, in an effort to stimulate office conversation, hung a sign above the water cooler that read simply, "God?"
... k, byyyyyyyyyyye!
I want to be Susan Boyle's eyebrow's first kiss.
But I have a confession. I spent the second half of this performance attempting to reconcile how good I thought it was with how much that opinion was being informed by the fact that she's not very attractive. The result was less an epiphany of what's possible and more self-loathing at being a presumptive ass, which led to more self-loathing for being cynical about the whole thing.
So, thanks for ruining my day.
If you told me that 30 years from today, I'd be sitting next to my fireplace attempting to explain my Barbie doll son and his exclamation-censored penis to a television camera...
Well, I just don't know.
Incredible that one costume shop owner would find it necessary to stalk a different costume shop owner, let alone decide that being a costume shop owner is a legitimate, viable way of life.
Hello? World? It's me, common sense. Do you think maybe something was cooked up between Billy Bob and Q TV beforehand involving a "showdown" between host and guest? Or did you think an otherwise uneventful segment with THE FUCKING BOX... TOPPERS WHATEVER THE FUCK BAND would do just as well as something like this, which you're now all showing your friends because OMG look at Billy Bob being such an ass? And all of a sudden, that many more people know that Billy Bob is in a shitty band and there's such a thing as The Letter Q TV.
Congratulations, everybody. Billy Bob Thorton and Jian Ghomeshi just raped your minds.
The Lonely Island is terrible. Dick in a Box was great, FINE, but all this other shit about boats and bosses and jizzing in pants is half-baked in preparation and overwrought in production. It's one cliche after another packaged as fake rap, which I thought invited derision around these parts.
Someone needs to tell those Lonely Island hacks to ask Kenny Powers about jizz-pants jokes. And if it sounds like I'm taking this all too seriously IT'S BECAUSE I FUCKING AM.
After Lindsay's ominous caveat, I thought it was going to turn out that the dad was raping the daughter after the mother's death or something, so finding out it was just a ticked off Satan was no biggie.
Now that's what I call a Videogum softball. Swing away, Lindsay.
Also, I'm glad The Number 10 News is on my side by putting the closest thing to ACTUAL NEWS -- weather service woman saying ??? -- at the end of the story. INFOTAINMENT!!!
I like how the anchors admonish their morning show interview for being "too early." It's too early, guys, this is much too early for beach volleyball news.
Leave it to the incredibly uncool Steve Kroft to get in the way of LeBron as he tries to nonchalantly walk off the court after making the shot. The shot is only half of it, Steve Kroft! THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!!!
You know what, I take that back. It's a little presumptuous of me to assume everybody would catch that the baguettes, and every other instance of cascading phalli in these AT&T commercials, represent bars. MY BAD.
Hey, Videogum Detectives, next case: what is this large, flat wooden thing that I have to move every time I need to leave my apartment???
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