DMX

Someday, someone will write a fascinating book about the life of the acquitted child-murderer, right-wing cause célèbre, and American attention hog George Zimmerman. First, though, someone needs to kill the motherfucker. And today, we learn that that someone might be DMX.

CNN reports that Zimmerman and Dark Man X are set to fight each other in a boxing match put together by Celebrity Boxing impresario Damon Feldman. Zimmerman recently claimed a desire to get into boxing, claiming that he’d be willing to fight anyone (“even black people”). Of the many, many offers Feldman got for that fight, he ended up settling on DMX, who was maybe the most intimidating rapper in the world in 1998.

If you’ve spent enough time playing the 2003 fighting game Def Jam: Vendetta, you know that DMX, at least in CGI form, is really good at fighting. And in the underrated, ridiculous 2003 action movie Cradle 2 The Grave, he seemed to be, at the very least, good at kicking, to the extent where he didn’t look out-of-place starring opposite Jet Li. Still, X has been dealing with plenty of demons in recent years, he’s 13 years Zimmerman’s senior, and Zimmerman has been doing boxing workouts recently, so this may not be the slaughter that many of us are hoping for. Still, DMX has given a few quotes that are getting me excited.

DMX claims that he’s fighting for “every black person who has ever been done wrong in the system,” and he’s offered TMZ the following choice quotes: “I am going to beat the living fuck out him… I am breaking every rule in boxing to make sure I fuck him right up… Once I am done with him, I am going to whip my dick out and piss on him.. right in his motherfucking face… Zimmerman is a piece of shit, and that’s what he needs to drink.” Sold!

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Comments (19)
  1. At first I thought MTV was bringing back Celebrity Deathmatch… this is much better.

  2. YOU THINK IT’S A FUCKING GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME????!!!!

  3. George going down, down like somebody said FREEZE!

  4. rudolph the red nosed reindeer.

  5. What’s the point of this? We couldn’t get real justice so we’ll settle for faux justice via televised spectacle? We’ll settle for a washed up rapper and a “fight” that I’m sure will be completely controlled and no one will be seriously injured, meanwhile both DMX and Zimmerman will collect cash money and keep their names in the news. “Welp, he got away with murdering a child, but at least he got punched by DMX!”

    • Exactly what I was going to say. The match isn’t actually going to be satisfying in anyway, if dmx lands anything real they’ll just end the fight and mean while we’re just supporting the idea of killing another person being extremely profitable. Even if proceeds go to charity (and I guarantee he’s benefiting from this in varying degrees of directness) those proceeds are coming from the idea that killing a person is a great way to sell a product, EVEN IF HE WAS IN THE RIGHT. Let’s say he was in the right legally and morally when he shot him you still feel bad about that shit, a decent person still feels terrible about it they don’t turn it into a fucking heel persona WWF style to profit from it.

  6. Also Tom with his “will no one rid me of this…I think the best result for a possible miscarriage of justice is someone just murdering the dude as part of a televised shitshow”. Oy. I’d prefer non-stop typos and a long think piece about Bastille, the British Imagine Dragons.

  7. Please tell me this it taking place in Florida. I want to see if Zimmerman can stand his ground now.

  8. Is this real? What?

  9. RIP @NO_LIMIT_N*GGA. An inspiration to all of us. Today, we are all @NO_LIMIT_N*GGA.

  10. RIP Zimmerman

  11. Are you not entertained?

  12. If this is real, Greatest fight of the century for sure.

  13. This life is a joke.

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