Someday, someone will write a fascinating book about the life of the acquitted child-murderer, right-wing cause célèbre, and American attention hog George Zimmerman. First, though, someone needs to kill the motherfucker. And today, we learn that that someone might be DMX.
CNN reports that Zimmerman and Dark Man X are set to fight each other in a boxing match put together by Celebrity Boxing impresario Damon Feldman. Zimmerman recently claimed a desire to get into boxing, claiming that he’d be willing to fight anyone (“even black people”). Of the many, many offers Feldman got for that fight, he ended up settling on DMX, who was maybe the most intimidating rapper in the world in 1998.
If you’ve spent enough time playing the 2003 fighting game Def Jam: Vendetta, you know that DMX, at least in CGI form, is really good at fighting. And in the underrated, ridiculous 2003 action movie Cradle 2 The Grave, he seemed to be, at the very least, good at kicking, to the extent where he didn’t look out-of-place starring opposite Jet Li. Still, X has been dealing with plenty of demons in recent years, he’s 13 years Zimmerman’s senior, and Zimmerman has been doing boxing workouts recently, so this may not be the slaughter that many of us are hoping for. Still, DMX has given a few quotes that are getting me excited.
DMX claims that he’s fighting for “every black person who has ever been done wrong in the system,” and he’s offered TMZ the following choice quotes: “I am going to beat the living fuck out him… I am breaking every rule in boxing to make sure I fuck him right up… Once I am done with him, I am going to whip my dick out and piss on him.. right in his motherfucking face… Zimmerman is a piece of shit, and that’s what he needs to drink.” Sold!