This Is Our 2009 Oscar Liveblog.

Can you feel the artificially manufactured excitement? Hugh Jackman should pee his pants any minute now! We’ll be livetweeting the red carpet, Barbara, and of course, the actual show ALL NIGHT via after the jump (and if you reply to @videogum on Twitter, it will also show up here). We also set up a special chat room (is it 1995 yet?) where we can all share in the pageantry together. Check it out here. Between the tweeting and chatting there is no reason to fall asleep before midnight. Let’s all pretend that this shit really MATTERS!

Because he LOST, Gabe has two weeks to see MADEA GOES TO JAIL. He will be writing about it here. Good night, everyone!

11:53: Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire: Lindsay: 13, Gabe 10.

11:47: G: by not winning the oscar, did mickey rourke’s career just end again? or is he going to keep playing so many broken down pieces of meat forever?

11:44: G: sean penn wins for best actor, oscar poolz just got fuck’d.

11:43: Best Actor, Sean Penn: Lindsay 12, Gabe 10

11:30: Best Actress: Kate Winslet Lindsay 12, Gabe 10. (YES!)

11:29: G: Kate Winslet needs to do some cardio. She climbed like four steps and she’s breathing like Bruce Villanch.

11:20: Best Director: Danny Boyle. Lindsay 11, Gabe 9

11:19: David Fincher looks like a Tim and Eric character.

11:13: L: The Parade of Death is just not the same without the disproportionate clapping.

11:07: Best Foreign Language Film: Departures: Lindsay 10, Gabe 8

11:01 Best Original Song: Slumdog Millionaire, “High Ho, High Ho”. Lindsay: 10, Gabe 8

11:00: Gabe: It takes a Best Songs Medley to show how bad these songs really are. On their own it’s harder to tell.

10:54: Best Original Score: Slumdog Millionaire: Lindsay 10, Gabe 8

10:45: G: The honorary tribute to Jerry Lewis makes him seem like a really great guy. Then Eddie Murphy said “from one Nutty Professor to another” and ruined it.

10:41: L: “Jerry Lewis likes to say he gets paid to do what children are punished for.” No, HUGH JACKMAN does that. (Because he pees in his pants.)

10:40: G: My friend just IM’ed me to ask why everyone’s suits are overstuffed tonight? And it’s true, everyone looks like they’re in that Levi’s commercial where they seal their pants shut and fill them with the air. No answerz here.

10:36: Best Film Editing: Slumdog. Lindsay 10, Gabe 8

10:32: Lindsay: Will someone please tell their children to go to bed???

10:32: Gabe: Slumdog Millionaire wins sound mixing over Dark Knight and Wall-E? SOUNDS like bullshit.

10:31: Best Sound Mixing: Slumdog Millionaire, Lindsay 9: Gabe 7

10:29: Best Sound Editing: The Dark Knight. Lindsay: 8, Gabe 7

10:26: Visual Effects: Benjamin Button, Lindsay 7, Gabe 7

10:17: Best Documentary Short: Smile, Pinky! Lindsay: 6, Gabe 6

10:14: Best Documentary: Man On Wire, Lindsay 6, Gabe 5

10:10: Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger: Lindsay 6, Gabe 5. (Also, aww.)

10:05: G: Naturally they choose Christopher Walken to present Michael Shannon, the young and poor man’s Christopher Walken.

9:50: Best live action short: Toyland (translation.) Lindsay 5, Gabe 4.

9:48: L: Um, because it was one of the best movies of the year.

9:47: G: Judd Apatow included a clip from Forgetting Sarah Marshall into his short (lazy) Oscar film, making that TWO references to FSM in this year’s Academy Awards. Surprising!

9:35: Cinematography: Slumdog. Lindsay 5, Gabe 4.

9:32: G: Ben Stiller walked out in a Joaquin Phoenix costume. Can’t wait for his Christian Bale melt down!

9:29: G: Apparently this is when they are going to give out the award for Best Kiss.

9:25: G: Robert Pattinson looks like a vampire. So in retrospect that was a smart casting choice.

9:24: Makeup: Button, Lindsay: 4, Gabe 4. We both know a lot about makeup.

9:21: Costume Design: The Duchess. Lindsay 3, Gabe 3.

9:17: Art Direction: Benjamin Button. Lindsay: 3, Gabe: 2

9:15: In presenting the award for Art Direction, SJP says “The show now moves from the page to the stage.” Are we all done with the writing awards? Perfect.

9:09: Best animated short: Le Poisson…

9:06: Aniston has probably been practicing her Eve voice for weeks.

9:05: Best Animated Film Wall E duh. (Lindsay 3: Gabe: 1)

9:01: Best Adapted Screenplay: Slumdog Millionaire. Lindsay: 2 Gabe: 0

8:57: L: Best Original Screenplay: Milk. Tie. Lindsay: 1, Gabe: 0

8:52: G: Steve Martin is presenting. Get ready for 45 minutes of self-indulgent banjo.

8:51: L: Tina Fey! Tina Fey! It’s Tina Fey’s voice!

8:47: L: The “leaked Oscar memo” was wrong. Duh, but now proven duh.

8:46: L: Best Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz. Lindsay: 1 Gabe: 0

8:45: G: It’s reassuring to know that even with the economy collapsing and the world seeming in total disarray, that Tilda Swinton doesn’t feel the need to not dress like a lesbian alien from planet “Medicine Please?


8:40: L: That opener should be titled “Managing Expectations.”

8:39: G: The whole opening Oscar medley was just an ad for Wolverine? Fair enough.

8:34: G: Remember when Harvey Milk was assassinated?

8:30: G: The question, of course, is not IF Hugh Jackman will pee his pants, but WHEN?

8:24: G: Jack Black’s “red carpet” interview (in a bar? in a basement?) was the most genuine thing he’s done in five years. What, no karate kicks?

8:23: L: Interviewer to Jack Black: “I want to have cocktails with you.” Jack Black: “You look great.”

8:19: They really don’t need to announce the designers who dressed the accountants. just like they don’t really need to show the accountants at all.

8:13: RDJ’s wife is his date “for the rest of this incarnation.” That’s all: that’s what he said.

8:11: Tim Gunn to Mickey Rourke: “What are you wearing tonight?” Don’t you mean WHEN?

8:06 What are Brad and Angelina so busy doing that they can’t be bothered with a red carpet interview? It’s Tim Gunn, you monsters, SHOW SOME RESPECT.

7:59: barbara walters has no more questions, which is the exact opposite of what that did for the rest of us

7:58: STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT dsjflakjldkfa.

7:57: No, Barbara, you should not mention any lapdances, ever.

7:52: Hugh Jackman: “the Oscars could do with a little more show and a little less chat.” Spoken like a man who pees his pants. Constantly.

7:40 OOOOH, Mel Gibson on Jimmy Kimmel Live after the show. Jimmy Kimmel making POWER MOVEZ.