Noel Gallagher Has Some Dependably Amusing Thoughts About Tidal, Zayn Malik

In his latest Rolling Stone interview, Noel Gallagher offered typically entertaining commentary about some of the year’s biggest music stories. For instance, the former Oasis guitarist thinks it’s silly that Zayn Malik left One Direction to live a “normal” 22-year-old lifestyle, but he’s fond of Malik’s ex-bandmate Harry Styles:

I’ve never met him. I’ve only met Harry, who orbits in social circles where sometimes we end up at the same parties. Harry’s not got a great deal to say for himself, but he’s a good lad! For Zayn, though, I’d say, “Fuckin’ get a good accountant because life is very fuckin’ long.”

It’s a strange thing for that lad to have done at that age. The greatest quote was — I laughed out loud when I read it — “I just want to be a normal 22-year-old.” Pfft. Who wants to be a normal 22-year-old?! Hang on a minute. You can be fucking anything that moves and gettin’ paid half a million dollars a week, you fuckin’ idiot. You want to be a normal 22-year-old? Have you met any normal 22-year-olds? They’re fuckin’ shit-for-brains. What are you talking about, you fuckin’ idiot? God. All those young Japanese girls suckin’ me cock. [Sarcastically] So shallow and meaningless. I’ll say this to you, Zayn: You might have wanted to be a normal 22-year-old, but you won’t want to be a normal 25-year-old [laughs].

Actually, you better listen to the audio on that one:

Gallagher also became the latest celebrity to weigh in on Jay Z’s streaming music service Tidal and the preposterous press conference that launched it:

I thought that the people on the stage might want to be a little bit aware that they don’t look like Jay Z’s minions. Madonna was pretty cool the way she cocked her leg up on that desk and signed the [declaration]. I think ultimately with the spiel they came out with, it was like, “Do these people think they’re the fuckin’ Avengers? They’re going to save the fuckin’ [world].” I was speaking to Chris [Martin] the day after, and I said, “Are you after a Nobel Peace Prize? Is that what you’re after?” They were like, “We’re going to fuckin’ save the music business.” And I’m just sitting there, thinking [imitates smoking weed] you might want to write a decent chorus for a fuckin’ start. Never mind fuckin’ royalties and the “power of music.” Write a tune. Fuckin’ start with that.

There’s audio for that one too:

And here’s a little more on Tidal:

[Laughs] I only watched it because someone was like, “Get on these bunch of cunts on here.” And I went, “Who?” “Fuckin’ your mate Chris Martin and all these cunts.” I got on YouTube and was like, [makes crinkled face] “Oh. Ohhh. Ohhhhhh.” Alicia Keys made a speech that really should have been at the U.N. “We’re all aware of the power of music!” But I don’t think you are. I quote Nietzche regularly too, but only when I’m talking about downloading [laughs].

Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds launch their North American tour this Thursday at Webster Hall in NYC. For more Gallagher gold, check out our recent Q&A with him.