When Esquire UK interviewed Noel Gallagher for a recent cover story, Alex Bilmes asked the musician what his hobbies are, to which he responded: interviews. “Because I get to be a gobshite, and I get to do that thing: to be the last of a dying breed.” And so, that’s exactly what Gallagher does over the course of this new profile. The ex-Oasis guitarist is known to spew some of the most unfiltered, delectable Haterade out there, and in this particular interview, he talks some shit about Thom Yorke when asked whether or not there’s a hierarchy of great British rock bands:
I’m aware that Radiohead have never had a fucking bad review. I reckon if Thom Yorke fucking shit into a light bulb and started blowing it like an empty beer bottle it’d probably get 9 out of 10 in fucking Mojo. I’m aware of that.
Although Gallagher does appreciate at least one Radiohead song — he told us earlier this year — when asked about writing Oasis’ classic “Don’t Look Back In Anger,” Gallagher invoked Yorke again:
“Don’t Look Back in Anger.” I remember writing it in Paris on a rainy night. We had just played a strip club: our set finished, the strippers came on. We were nothing, an insignificant little band. And I remember going back to my hotel room and writing it, and thinking, “That’ll be pretty good when we record it.” If I’d have known that night what I know now about people playing it at fucking funerals and weddings, I’d never have finished the song. Too much pressure. Technically, there’s better songwriters than I am. Guardian writers will tell you that. Have other people’s songs ever really touched a generation, though? Radiohead? When do people listen to them? Is it when they go out, or is it when they come in? Because I’m struggling to think.
He followed that up by comparing Yorke’s mediocre songwriting to Tommy James And The Shondells’ “Mony Mony,” which Billy Idol made famous in 1981:
Look, as soon as Thom Yorke writes a song as good as fucking “Mony Mony,” give us a fucking shout. Me and my missus, we were at the Coachella festival a couple of years ago and Radiohead were headlining. We were like, “Right, let’s give them one more chance. Let’s go and see them.” Beautiful, sunny night. We walked out through the crowd as they came on, and they were playing this post-techno: “de-de de de.” We were a bit pissed. Fucking great. And then he started singing. No. Not for us. We’re party people.
When asked where Oasis would fall in that hierarchy, Gallagher casually mocked the Stone Roses…
I used to put us at number seven. It went The Beatles, the Stones, the Sex Pistols, The Who, The Kinks… who came in at six? I don’t know. We were at seven. The Smiths were in there, The Specials. Where would I put us now? I guess I’d probably put us in the top 10. We weren’t as great as the greats but we were the best of the rest. We did more than The Stone Roses could fucking even fathom. We’re better than The Verve: couldn’t fucking keep it together for more than six months at a time. If all the greats are in the top four, we’re in the bottom of the top four, we’re kind of constantly fighting for fifth, just missing out. Just missing out on the top four, I’d say.
…and then did it again.
If Oasis were ever to come back we couldn’t be any bigger than we’d already been. There’s no kudos in us selling out three nights at Wembley because we’ve already fucking done seven. The Stone Roses never played gigs of that magnitude. They came back and they were bigger than they’d ever been. So it was justified.
He later went on to compliment Kanye West, and then diss One Direction, Adele, and Ellie Goulding in a single breath:
I’ll tell you what’s wrong. Fame’s wasted on these cunts today. Bar Kanye. You watch him on the MTV Awards and you think, “You can fucking stay, you’re alright.”
Does anybody give a fuck about what any of these current pop stars are up to? Who gives a shit what fucking One Direction do? Cocksuckers, all of them in rehab by the time they’re 30. Who gives a shit what Ellie Goulding is up to? Really? Adele, what? Blows my fucking mind. It blows my fucking mind. Nobody cares! Fame’s wasted on them, with their fucking in-ear monitors and their electronic cigarettes. And their fragrances that they’re bringing out for Christmas. You fucking dicks.
Gallagher then called out Alex Turner, Miles Kane, and Royal Blood for looking like posers…
This new generation of rock stars, they look great: Alex Turner, Miles Kane, the guys from Royal Blood. They’ve got the fucking skinny jeans and the boots, and all that eyeliner. I’ve got a cat that’s more rock’n’roll than all of them put together. Pigeons? Rips their fucking heads off.
…and if you’re a contemporary rock star without a drug habit, then by his account, you’re not very rock and roll:
I go back to this: fame is fucking wasted on these people. The new generation of rock stars, when have they ever said anything that made you laugh? When have they ever said anything you remember? People say, “They’re interesting.” Interesting! That’s a word that’s crept in to music: “Yeah, man. Have you heard the new Skrillex record?” “No.” “Yeah, man. It’s really interesting.” I don’t want interesting! Rock’n’roll’s not about that. To me, it’s about fucking utter gobshites just being fucking headcases. Well, not headcases. But what I want, genuinely, is somebody with a fucking drug habit, who’s not Pete Doherty. Do you know what I mean?
For what it’s worth, Gallagher thinks that Harry Styles has nothing to say for himself and that Zayn Malik is too much of a millennial to move further along in his solo career. He commented on how the ’90s bred some of the best celebrity personalities, using Kate Moss as an example of a titanic star who still hasn’t been trumped by a young rising one. Then he dissed two of Britain’s hottest exports, Hot Chip and Foals:
You’re not seriously telling me that anyone is going to be listening to Foals in 12 years. Is anybody going to be fucking begging for Hot Chip to get back together in 22 years? I don’t fucking think so.
He also considers band reunions to be a “modern disease”:
was being asked about a reunion five weeks after I left the band. It’s a modern phenomenon. It’s a modern disease. All the bands that get back together, all those ones you’ve mentioned [Fleetwood Mac, Led Zeppelin] they didn’t have anybody in the line-up as fucking brilliant as me. What’s the guitarist out of Fleetwood Mac called? Lindsay Buckingham. I can’t remember him setting the world on fire. Jimmy Page? That’s debatable. He’s a good guitarist but I’m not sure how many solo albums he’s fucking made.
It’s all OK though, because he really loves Chris Martin:
Chris Martin is a friend of mine. That fucking guy can write a tune. And he’s hilarious, by the way. We were out one night having dinner, me and my missus, him and his missus, and he ended up banging his hand on the table, shouting at me: “Why do you think it’s so cool not to give a fuck?” Because he does give a fuck. About everything. I might have been making some disparaging comment about fucking Madonna or someone, and he was like, “I just can’t believe you can be like that.” And I was like, “Fucking believe it, man, because I can’t believe you can be like that.
It’s also worth noting that Gallagher doesn’t believe in God and refers to most women (including his “missus”) as being “dithering fuckers.”