Taylor Swift To Punish Us With A Year Of Ed Sheeran

For almost her entire career, Taylor Swift has released a new album every two years, like clockwork. Those albums arrive in late fall, just in time for the Christmas rush, and they are full of massive pop bangers that will be utterly inescapable for nearly the next year. She did this for five albums — a solid decade. But last year, when she was due to release something new, nothing arrived.

In a new BBC interview, Ed Sheeran reveals that Swift is working on a new album and that she’ll probably have it out this year — again, right around Christmas. That leaves an open lane for Sheeran — Swift’s friend, collaborator, and former opening act — to take over as our dominant whitebread pop star, at least for the better part of a year. Or, in any case, that’s the way Sheeran sees it:

Taylor [Swift] isn’t going to be releasing until probably the end of this year – Christmas is the smartest time to release because that’s when everyone buys records. So I’ve got a full year of just all Ed, all the time.

“Just all Ed, all the time.” Jesus. What a nightmare. This year was already going to be hard enough; we don’t need this shit. Is Taylor that mad at us? Is it because we didn’t exclude her from the Kanye West narrative? Can we do anything to make it up to her? Can she please come back and save us from this little potato-faced hobbit who keeps telling us that he’s in love with our body?