Jennifer Aniston Denies Biting Beyoncé

The most newsworthy bit of information to emerge from Tiffany Haddish’s new GQ interview is the suggestion that an actress who was high on drugs bit Beyoncé during an afterparty altercation in December. Obviously, this raises a huge question: Who? (Or, if you prefer, who the fuck?)

The Huffington Post has taken it upon themselves to determine which actress is the culprit, reaching out to approximately 40 actresses, actors, and musicians for a statement on the matter. “Some were at the after-party in question,” Huff Po’s report explains. “Some were just names we came up with.”

Most of the celebs did not respond to this query, but the responses from the ones who did are golden:

Jennifer Aniston
“What? I have no idea what this means,” said a spokesperson. After some explanation, the spokesperson replied, “Why in the world would you think Jennifer Aniston would do such a thing? It’s absurd.”

Julie Andrews
“Have no idea what you are talking about,” a spokesperson wrote over email.

Kathy Bates
“I have no clue,” a spokesperson said.

Shirley MacLaine
“No, Shirley did not bite anything. She’s 83 years old, for God’s sake,” a spokesperson said over the phone.

Amy Adams
“Hahaha, NO. So funny that you would ask if Amy Adams did this?” said a spokesperson for Adams.

Jodie Foster
“The article says Sara Foster — NOT Jodie Foster,” a spokesperson said when we sent her The Cut article, which referenced Sara Foster being at the Jay-Z concert.

Charlotte McKinney
“Charlotte McKinney was NOT involved in the incident whatsoever, as she didn’t even attend the after-party,” a rep for the actress and model said.

Queen Latifah
“No comment,” a spokesperson said.

There’s also these from social media:

Sanaa Lathan

Sara Foster

Flattering that anyone thinks I could get this close to Beyoncé.

A post shared by Sara Foster (@sarafoster) on

A conspiracy of silence, I see.

UPDATE: Lena Dunham, UK oddsmakers’ #1 Beyoncé-biting candidate, has denied biting Beyoncé.