Super Bowl Injury Report: Prince May Be Half As Hip

Hey sports fans, don’t expect too much stage-sweeping pelvic activity from the Purple One on Sunday. This report filed by ESPN, going above and beyond and giving us the health condition of the halftime entertainment:

Reports surfaced about a year ago that decades of dancing in those high heels the ladies love caused serious damage to one of his hips and that he needs a replacement. That’s a pretty big deal considering that Prince’s stage show has long been a James Brown-styled affair, full of spins, splits and bumping and grinding against pianos, microphone stands, and other inanimate objects. It’s pretty tough to do those things with a bad wheel.

However, it’s not known whether Prince actually had or will have the replacement. Prince became a Jehovah’s Witness in the mid-90s, and that religion does not permit blood transfusions, which are sometimes necessary for a hip replacement surgery. The faith also prohibits dancing that mimics sexual acts, but not dancing in general.

A representative for the William Morris Agency, which handles Prince’s affairs, said he was “not privy” to whether the surgery actually took place.

ESPN goes on to quote a physical therapist, saying “If [Prince] has had the replacement, [dancing is] very unsafe.” So FCC, take note: During this year’s halftime show, you may wanna keep your eyes peeled for a greater trochanter malfunction.

And in Chicago, Common and Kanye got together to celebrate the Bears’ first Super Bowl appearance in over twenty years with “Southside Superbowl,” taking it from the “Super Bowl Shuffle to the Super Bowl hustle,” “reppin’ with Urlacher, Briggs, and Thomas Jones,” and “bringin’ the pain to Reggie Wayne.” We’re hoping for an Indy rock rebuttal. (Margot & The Nuclear So & So’s?) Grab it at Spine (via GvsB).

Happy overeating.