Hey 50, You Might Want To Get Your Bulletproof Vests Elsewhere

Maybe instead of staking his career on outselling Kanye, 50 Cent should have remembered just how cheesy it is to play some teenage girl’s bat mitzvah and considered his gangsta lean limp even before he released Curtis and got schooled by Graduation.

You’ve heard the countless jokes about bigwigs profiting from the Iraqi war as well as separate guffaws about that $10 million bat mitzvah — well, now you can cut corners and combine ‘em into one punchline: David Brooks, founder and chairman and chief executive officer of DHB Industries, the main supplier of body armor to U.S. soldiers fighting in Iraq, got busted for embezzling millions, along with other shenanigans, all so he could afford tacky striped shirts, get his ex-wife a facelift, keep his 100 horses on vitamins, drive an armored car, and throw his daughter, Elizabeth, that mega bat mitzvah that brought 50 Cent, Tom Petty, Kenny G, Aerosmith, and the Eagles to the Rainbow Room in November 2005. Via the NY Post:

He allegedly reaped $185 million by selling DHB stock when he learned that 6,000 bullet-proof vests the company made were about to be recalled for being faulty and not able to block bullets.

That’s right, 50, you’d better stock up on some new designer vests.

Another crime in all of this, of course, is inviting Kenny G and Eagles to a 13 year old’s party. Even bigger infraction? Also via the Post: “In honor of [Aerosmith’s] appearance, Brooks changed from a black leather suit into a magenta suede biker outfit covered with chains.” If convicted, dude could get life in prison — for profiteering and embarrassing poor Elizabeth like that, you totally deserve it, schmuck.

[50 photo via Tabloid Baby]