Wait, Hold On, Grimes Got Part Of Her Eyes Removed So That She Can’t See Blue Light?

Last night, we learned that Grimes is the star of a new Adidas ad campaign. And in announcing her Adidas gig, Grimes posted on Instagram about her workout regimen. Somewhere in there, Grimes made a truly shocking announcement: She’s had experimental eye surgery, replacing the “top film” of her eyeball and replacing it with “an orange ultra-flex polymer.” This is meant to treat seasonal affective disorder by eliminating blue light from her vision. Seriously! She says all this!

Here’s the exact quote:

I have also eliminated all blue light from my vision through an experimental surgery that removes the top film of my eyeball and replaces it with an orange ultra-flex polymer that my friend and I made in the lab this past winter as a means to cure seasonal depression.

In that same Instagram post, Grimes also claims that she does swordfighting workouts and screaming sessions. All that is interesting, but it’s kids’ stuff compared to the eyeball thing. The eyeball thing raises so many questions. For instance: What?

Also: Is Grimes fucking with us? Or did she really get futuristic eye surgery so that she can’t see blue light? Is this actually something that people do? Are we all going to have orange ultra-flex polymers in our eyeballs in 10 years?

Here’s the Instagram post:

View this post on Instagram

ADIDAS: Tell us about ur training regiment ? GRIMES: My training is a 360 approach. I first maintain a healthy cellular routine where I maximize the function of my mitochondria with supplements such as NAD+, Acetyl L-Carnitine, Magnesium, etc. This helps promote ATP and it’s incredibly visceral. From that point I spend 2-4 hours in my deprivation tank, this allows me to “astro-glide” to other dimensions – past, present, and future. In the afternoons I do a 1-2 hour sword fighting session with my trainer, James Lew, we go over the fundamentals that work the obliques, core stabilizes, and triceps as well as a few tricks. To wind down from this I spend 30-45 minutes on an inclined hike at roughly 4-4.5 miles per hour, arguably the most efficient workout. I then spend 45 minutes stretching before heading into the studio where my mind and body are functioning at peak level, with a neuroplastic goal between 57.5 and 71.5 AphC’s (which is my preferred range for my blood type). I’ve outfitted my studio with the highest grade of red light. It is pretty much 1000 sqf IR Sauna. Hana then comes over and we do a screaming session for 20-25 minutes while I slow boil the honey tea that maximizes vocal proficiency. I have also eliminated all blue light from my vision through an experimental surgery that removes the top film of my eyeball and replaces it with an orange ultra-flex polymer that my friend and I made in the lab this past winter as a means to cure seasonal depression. I go to bed with a humidifier on. #asmc #adidasparley #createdwithadidas #gentrifymordor

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UPDATE: Several eye doctors confirmed to Salon that this type of surgery isn’t medically possible. It was all a joke, people!

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