Lingua Ignota’s Kristin Hayter Details Alleged Abuse By Daughters’ Alexis Marshall

Lisa Birds

Lingua Ignota’s Kristin Hayter Details Alleged Abuse By Daughters’ Alexis Marshall

Lisa Birds

Kristin Hayter released the powerful, intense new Lingua Ignota album Sinner Get Ready in August. In October, when asked on Twitter about her relationship with Daughters’ Alexis Marshall, she responded, “Alexis is an abuser … I wrote the record about it. I’m not in a place mentally where I’m able to fully take this on but his reputation isn’t exactly a secret in the music industry. Time will reveal … I am not well and am totally traumatized, and am doing a lot of work to heal. When I do speak about my experience I will come from a place of clarity and strength, and not the sidelines of Twitter, but I’m also tired of staying quiet when he’s brought up all the time.”

Today, after speaking about her experience during an interview with the Needle Drop’s Anthony Fantano last night, Hayter has shared a statement detailing her allegations of abuse against Marshall. “I have included here a short statement summarizing the abuse I endured followed by a longer statement meticulously outlining my experience to the best of my ability. Receipts are available upon request,” Hayter begins. “I was in an abusive relationship with Alexis Marshall from July 2019 through June 2021. I endured mental and emotional abuse and sexual abuse resulting in bodily harm.”

Read her shorter statement in full below.

*** Content warning: rape, sexual assault, suicide, self-harm, eating disorders, emotional abuse***

I have included here a short statement summarizing the abuse I endured followed by a longer statement meticulously outlining my experience to the best of my ability. Receipts are available upon request.

I was in an abusive relationship with Alexis Marshall from July 2019 through June 2021. I endured mental and emotional abuse and sexual abuse resulting in bodily harm. Alexis’ addiction to one-sided sex effected me in extreme ways. I was subjected to multiple sexual assaults/rapes where I was fully penetrated while sleeping without my consent, after I explicitly stated this was *not ok with me.* Alexis obtained consent through deception, manipulation, and coercion. Alexis used me for sexual gratification in situations where I was deeply uncomfortable but consented because I was terrified he would cheat on me or get upset if I didn’t do what he wanted. In one incident of objectifying, violent sex, Alexis caused a severe injury to my spine and did not stop when I told him I was hurt. This injury resulted in debilitating pain and physical incapacitation for months. I needed surgery to treat this injury, a massive lumbar disc herniation that created an emergency condition called Cauda Equina Syndrome, which threatened permanent loss of bladder and bowel function. Alexis continued to require constant sexual attention even though I was severely injured. I needed his support for the surgery but Alexis abandoned me 24 hours before my procedure. Alexis cheated on me emotionally and physically throughout our relationship and triangulated me with other sexual partners as a way to confuse, humiliate, and destabilize me. He always denied his behavior, and gaslit me when confronted with irrefutable proof.

Alexis sustained patterns of lying and manipulation to excuse his behavior; he blame-shifted, minimized, denied, and provoked me so that he could call me aggressive and crazy. He used my past of domestic violence against me to claim what he was doing wasn’t that bad because it was not physical battering. He was jealous and resentful of my professional relationships and isolated me from friends. He took advantage of me financially. He blamed me for everything that was wrong in his life.

His abusive behavior continued and in some ways worsened after he completed rehab for sex addiction and started working a twelve-step program. He lied about the terms of his recovery. He weaponized his recovery against me and blamed me for not being able to get well.

As a result of his ongoing abuse I attempted suicide in December 2020 in the basement of our home. Alexis’ response to my suicide attempt was cold and unfeeling. Meanwhile, Alexis used threats of suicide and self-harm to manipulate me often, such as when I told him I needed to cut contact with him for my own well-being, or when I confronted him about lying.

After our breakup, I learned about Alexis’ long history of predatory and abusive/exploitative behavior towards women, for which he is well-known in certain areas, and which has been corroborated by multiple people including a long-term ex-partner. These incidents range from sexual misconduct and sexual relationships with subordinates at work, sexual harassment, ultimatums, and sexual assault. Multiple peers and women performers have spoken to me about uncomfortable experiences with him. Alexis establishes trust with vulnerable women and then exploits them sexually. I learned that this behavior continued throughout our relationship and after he entered recovery.

As a result of this relationship my quality of life decreased significantly. I suffered enormous psychological and physical damage. I continue to do physical therapy to treat ongoing issues with my spine and am in intensive therapy.

Hayter also added a longer, more comprehensive statement including a detailed timeline of her relationship with Marshall. “For the past several months I have been grappling with how to constructively handle this situation,” that statement begins. “I have dealt with confusion and self-doubt, fear of retaliation, and a brain reconfigured by the trauma I have endured. I have grappled with my own responsibility as an imperfect human and as an artist who stands for something, and I felt I was betraying myself and others by staying silent.”

“During my almost-two year relationship with Alexis Marshall, he psychologically, emotionally, and sexually abused me,” Hayter continues. “Bodily harm was done to me, and he took advantage of me in every conceivable way while blaming me for his own behavior. I also discovered his long history of sexually predatory behavior. It is my hope that in speaking out I can begin to heal and save even one other woman from what I have had to go through.”

“I want Alexis’ behavior to no longer live in the shadows,” she eventually concludes:

I want him to stop rewriting the narrative with self-victimizing fiction. I want him to get well, and he won’t get well if he’s lying and manipulating his recovery environments. I want him to be a good, present father to his children. I want him to heal. I want him to be accountable to those he has harmed. But my healing is not contingent on what Alexis does or does not do, and I cannot expect personal accountability from him — I never got it in the relationship and it would come as a great shock to me if I received a true apology now. Part of my healing is speaking out about what I have experienced. I want to fix what is so broken inside me that believes I deserve this, again and again, for years. I want to help others. I want to help survivors, and to help people who do not understand the insidious nature of emotional abuse. I want a life free from violence.

Hayter’s comprehensive statement can be found here.

Last month, Daughters posted a message on their Patreon account saying that the band was “pressing pause on Daughters activity for the immediate future,” which included two scheduled New York City shows that have been cancelled.

“I absolutely did not engage in any form of abusive behavior towards Kristin,” Marshall says via a representative for the band. “Kristin is a person that I loved and cared deeply for, however, our relationship was unhealthy for both of us. I can assure anyone reading this that I absolutely did not abuse her, mentally or physically. I am investigating legal options.”

If you or someone you know is suffering from sexual violence, please contact RAINN or call the National Sexual Abuse Telephone Hotline at 1-800-656-4673. If you or someone you know needs help, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1–800–273–8255 or go to SuicidePreventionLifeline.org to chat with someone online.

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