Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best And Worst Comments

Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best And Worst Comments

Sorry this is going up so late. I had an appointment in Manhattan (birthplace of Is This It) and it took a lot longer than I expected and I forgot I don’t live in Brooklyn anymore. I’m coding this in the Notes app on my phone while I’m on the train. Let’s see if it works!

THIS WEEK’S 10 HIGHEST RATED COMMENTS

#10  DJ Professor Dan
Score:31 | Jul 23rd

About this time a lot of alternative rock fans were giving their favourite bands crap because they’d occasionally write fun, happy, catchy songs; a la “Stand” by R.E.M.

The B-52s didn’t give a damn about your snobby indie cred and wrote nothing but fun, happy, catchy songs… and were still far more oddball than any self-consciously indie band around. And for that I love them.

Quite possibly one of the top five most deserved come-backs in pop history.

Posted in: The Number Ones: Richard Marx’s “Satisfied”
#9  Xandra
Score:31 | Jul 23rd

That sole woman with Jack Harlow could have been replaced with a t shirt that just said no homo

Posted in: Lil Nas X – “Industry Baby” (Feat. Jack Harlow)
#8  inthedeadofknight
Score:32 | Jul 30th

One of the best albums of all time in any genre.

Timeless. Classic. Legendary. Game changing. Epic. Monumental. Perfection.

It’s very easily one of my desert island albums and always will be. All hail King Casablancas.

Posted in: Is This It Turns 20
#7  Saint Nothing
Score:33 | Jul 23rd

Meanwhile, in the UK…

A happy face, a thumping bass for a loving race, as Jazzie B would have it. Very much the sound of young London mid-1989, his Soul II Soul collective landed their only number one with the aid of singer Caron Wheeler and stayed there for four weeks, the fifth best selling single of the year. #4 on the Hot 100 too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB54dZkzZOY

Posted in: The Number Ones: Richard Marx’s “Satisfied”
#6  Rory
Score:34 | Jul 27th

The comments aren’t just homophobic they’re incredibly ignorant towards sexual health in general and HIV in particular. In America, black people account for 44% of new HIV cases despite only being 13% of the population in America and it’s not just gay black men making up that statistic. It’s so gross for someone with such a huge platform to further stigmatize and vilify people living with HIV on mic at a huge festival and then whiff so badly at an apology.

Posted in: Dua Lipa “Surprised And Horrified” By DaBaby’s Homophobic Comments At Rolling Loud
#4  Mr. Plow
Score:34 | Jul 26th

Meanwhile, on the AC Chart, Simply Red continues their run at #1 with “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” for a second week.

Movers & Shakers

Big Jumpers

Up 11 to #6 “This Time I Know It’s For Real” by Donna Summer
Up 17 to #29 “Good Thing” by Fine Young Cannibals
Up 18 to #31 “Soul Provider” by Michael Bolton

Big Sliders

Down -10 to #17 “The Best Years Of Our Lives” by Neil Diamond
Down -18 to #42 “Downtown” by One 2 Many
Down -14 to #50 “All Is Lost” by Southern Pacific

Other Songs Peaking

CRY Waterfront #2
WHERE ARE YOU NOW? Synch #3
KEEP EACH OTHER WARM Barry Manilow #7
FOREVER YOUR GIRL Paula Abdul #11

The AC Top 20 for 7/1/1989

1 [1] IF YOU DON’T KNOW ME BY NOW Simply Red
2 [3] CRY Waterfront
3 [5] WHERE ARE YOU NOW? Synch
4 [2] EVERLASTING LOVE Howard Jones
5 [9] UNBORN HEART Dan Hill
6 [17] THIS TIME I KNOW IT’S FOR REAL Donna Summer
7 [10] KEEP EACH OTHER WARM Barry Manilow
8 [4] MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY Natalie Cole
9 [16] I’LL BE LOVING YOU (FOREVER) New Kids On The Block
10 [11] SECOND CHANCE Thirty Eight Special
11 [15] FOREVER YOUR GIRL Paula Abdul
12 [6] THROUGH THE STORM Aretha Franklin & Elton John
13 [19] MY BRAVE FACE Paul McCartney
14 [18] WAITING GAME Swing Out Sister
15 [8] THINKING OF YOU Sa-Fire
16 [14] WIND BENEATH MY WINGS Bette Midler
17 [7] THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES Neil Diamond
18 [13] AFTER ALL Cher & Peter Cetera
19 [23] WE CAN LAST FOREVER Chicago
20 [12] GIVING UP ON LOVE Rick Astley

Chart Comings & Goings

Say Hello To (New Arrivals):

#33 – “The End Of The Innocence” by Don Henley
#46 – “Come To Me” by Hiroshima
#47 – “I Drove All Night” by Cyndi Lauper
#48 – “Toy Soldiers” by Martika
#49 – “Dancing With The Lion” by Andreas Vollenweider

Say Goodbye To (Imminent Departures):

“Eternal Flame” by Bangles (Peak – #1)
“Downtown” by One 2 Many (Peak – #18)
“Promises” by Basia (Peak – #8)
“All Is Lost” by Southern Pacific (Peak – #19)

Spotlight Song

Once again we’re trading more content for less music. Here’s a twofer of Spotlight Songs:

First up is a political song written by two mostly political writers: Don Henley & Bruce Hornsby. Although Henley is best known for songs like “Hotel California” (Eagles), “Dirty Laundry”, “Boys of Summer”, and “All She Wants To Do Is Dance” (All solo), he has previously only hit #1 on the AC charts for the Eagles ballad “Best Of My Love”. He will go on to eventually hit #1 (AC) with the duet “Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough” and the solo ballad “Taking You Home”. Bruce Hornsby is a past Spotlight and #1 Artist for “The Way It Is”, but also hit #1 AC with “Mandolin Rain” and “The Valley Road”. Today, they join up for the Grammy-nominated “The End Of The Innocence”.

Since we can’t have nice things, the official video is blocked. Here is an audio-only version

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICfWt1bMBgU

We also have the last pop Top 40 hit for 80s Icon Cyndi Lauper, “I Drove All Night”. The song was written by hitmakers Billy Steinberg and Tom Kelly (“Like A Virgin”, “Eternal Flame”, “So Emotional”, “Alone”, “I’ll Stand By You”, and “I Touch Myself”) and recorded by Roy Orbison in 1987 (his version wouldn’t be released until 1992). Lauper’s version would reach #7 pop and #43 AC. Celine Dion would also cover this song, but who cares?

Here’s Lauper’s version, directed by Scott Kalvert and Lauper herself. It contains shots of a classic car, Lauper’s manic dancing, and some film being projected onto Lauper’s naked body. Shallow Plow thinks she looks damn good in this video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2y1TZXc5DiY

Posted in: The Number Ones: Milli Vanilli’s “Baby Don’t Forget My Number”
#3  Stillstephen
Score:36 | Jul 26th

Name a more iconic duo than rappers and casual Homophobia.

Posted in: DaBaby Tries To Defend His Homophobic Comments At Rolling Loud
#2  dustrock
Score:37 | Jul 25th

I was taught to never rock the mic with the panty hose

Posted in: Kanye Has Moved Into Mercedes-Benz Stadium To Finish Donda, No Longer Playing Rolling Loud
#1  ghostchannels
Score:53 | Jul 26th

“If lil nas x can be gay, then dababy can be homophobic” is certainly a take.

Posted in: DaBaby Tries To Defend His Homophobic Comments At Rolling Loud

THIS WEEK’S 5 LOWEST RATED COMMENTS

#5  Martin F
Score:-13 | Jul 25th

INCOMPLETE STORY: Long before this article was even posted, Kanye + some of his entourage had to be ejected from seats they were occupying when the rightful ticket holders showed up to claim their seats. Curious as to why this FACT wasn’t included above?
Granted, they got up and left peacefully, but what a total dickish move in the first place. The guy clearly has lost all grip on reality. Sad, really. Sadder yet that so many people have stepped in to help him to no avail.

Posted in: Kanye Has Moved Into Mercedes-Benz Stadium To Finish Donda, No Longer Playing Rolling Loud
#4  schmow town
Score:-13 | Jul 23rd

I love how every dude on this still site is mad that she chose over them. She was supposed to be our girlfriend!

This albums gonna be ass tho

Posted in: Grimes Previews New Album, TV Show, Podcast, And Discord: “Gaming Culture Is Less Toxic Than Indie Stan Culture”
#3  beyaccount
Score:-15 | Jul 30th

Taylor Swift probably makes better music than the white male indie bands you listen to.

Posted in: Stream Billie Eilish’s New Album Happier Than Ever
#2  StupidAsshole
Score:-15 | Jul 28th

why would he need one? He isn’t white and he apologized.
POC stands for Prevents Online Cancellation so he can keep hurling slurs and smacking women at shows indefinitely. Carry on gang.

Posted in: DaBaby Apologizes For “Insensitive” HIV/AIDS Comments While Still Complaining About Criticism
#1  stereodumb
Score:-19 | Jul 28th

Remnants of the 2010s Brooklyn indie buzz and its culture like this and Matt & Kim when everything was all neon, hands in the air and ignorance-is-bliss positive energy tailored toward trust fund hipster crowds just hasn’t aged very well when framed in today’s light where all of that is partially reason why our world sucks so much now.

Posted in: Sleigh Bells – “Locust Laced”

THIS WEEK’S EDITOR-IN-CHIEF’S CHOICE

  jnagle4
Score:23 | Jul 26th

Meanwhile on the Aqua-Net Side of Town

Warrant’s “Heaven” peaked at #2 behind “Baby Don’t Forget My Number,” one of the great injustices of the era.

There are more influential power ballads than “Heaven,” but few as well crafted and memorable. I only met Jani Lane once. We talked for about a half hour total, but I think about him more than any other musician I have spent time with.

It was the M3 Fest, and my friends in LA Guns and Jetboy had once again gotten me all access passes, because they are good dudes. The headliners were Twisted Sister, RATT and Sebastian Bach, all of whom I had history with. I’d just gotten back from Jetboy’s set and struck up a conversation with Ted Poley and Bruno Ravel from Danger Danger, as you do. The early part of M3 was always the most exciting, because every 30 minutes or so, a white van with tinted windows would pull up and someone would get out. I kept my game face on, because if you act like you belong, you’re in the club. It’s The Mike Damone Rule.

While Ted, Bruno and I were talking, Jani Lane got out of one of those vans. Jani was one of the reasons I was so excited for M3 that year, because I’d never seen him. He was struggling during my peak years on the hair metal circuit, so he never came to the east coast. He looked great that day though. He lost a lot of weight, had good color, and was sober. When he got out of the van, everyone crowded around him, told him how great he looked. It was like watching the coolest guy from high school come home, except in this case everyone was rooting for him. He was basking in the love and attention. Ted and Bruno excused themselves to say hi. I kept my distance, because I was a visitor in the scene, but made a note to introduce myself once things quieted down.

I didn’t have to. Once Jani had said hello to all his old friends, he found the guy he didn’t know.

It was that Paul F. Tompkins bit where he meets Tom Cruise.

“Hi! I’m Jani! What’s your name?” he said, sticking his hand out.

“I’m John. I’m a huge fan.”

So much for the Mike Damone Rule, but I meant it. I wore Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich out. I put Heaven on many, many well intentioned but not well-thought out mixtapes. I told anyone who would listen that Jani Lane and Butch Walker were the best songwriters the hair metal scene produced.

“Really?” he said, jazzed that I knew who he was. “Awesome! I’m so excited to be here today!”

At this point I was fairly jaded and learned that as fun as music was, it was most of these guys livelihoods. I never saw this kind of boyish enthusiasm. Forget that he was in Warrant; I wanted to be friends with this guy. I thought about pulling out my tape recorder, but didn’t want

Jani and I talked about Warrant, and clubs that they played (“How do you know about Gazzarris?”) I mentioned that I had a copy of Warrant’s Blood Sweat and Beers videotape and played it to death when I was a kid.

“That was a good tour, but if you really want to see what Warrant was all about, try to track down the showcase we played at Gazzari’s. We got signed because of that show.”

There was no ego in that statement, just pride, as if he still couldn’t believe his luck. We talked about modern music and liked a lot of the same bands. He really liked My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy, because they knew how to write choruses, and I told him about The Gaslight Anthem. Jani introduced me to hair metal journeyman Keri Kelly, who was playing in his solo band.

“Hey, I really like your band, dude,” I said.

“You mean Vince’s band?” Keri said, slightly annoyed

“Actually I was talking about Big Bang Babies. I have the demo. It’s good shit, man.”

Keri and Jani looked at me like “Who ARE you?” and then Keri told him they had to get ready for their set.

Jani put his hand on my shoulder and asked me if I was going to watch his set, as if he was begging me to go to a show in a church basement and not a guy who had sold millions of records

“Dude, I wouldn’t miss it.”

“Is there anything you would like to hear? What can I play for you?”

The earnestness was disarming, but I could tell he was bracing himself for a “Cherry Pie” request.

“I Saw Red.”

Jani’s eyes widened.

“I would fucking love to play that song for you,” he said quietly. He and Keri went into one of the production trailers.

I am a huge Warrant fan, and I’d forgotten how many hits they had. Jani knew exactly what the people wanted and he was giving it to them. He sounded great, and the old energy was back. After “Machine Gun” (hell yeah!), Jani put on an acoustic guitar and went up to the mic.

“I was talking to my friend John backstage, and uh, he asked me to play this song. I haven’t played it in a while, so bear with me.”

He played the opening chords to “I Saw Red.” The crowd erupted and then got quiet. Jani Lane wasn’t the guy in the white leather suit from the “Heaven,” video, he was a singer songwriter. Meriwether Post could have been The Troubadour in 1972. He hit every note like it was 1992. I will never forget the smile on his face when the crowd erupted. He put the guitar down and launched “Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich.”

An hour after Jani’s set, I was talking to Don Dokken, as you do. He was incredulous that George Lynch had signed my copy of Under Lock and Key before he did. (Hot take: George is a nice guy. Don is prickly, but a generally nice guy. They both need therapy to unpack their feelings), and Jani approached me. The three of us chatted a bit before Don excused himself to get food.

“I’m so glad you hadn’t left yet, I wanted to make sure I signed a picture for you,” Jani said, pulling out an 8×10 glossy. “Do you spell your name with an ‘h’?”

While he was signing he asked me a question.

“You really like ‘I Saw Red?’”

“It’s incredible, Jani. You are one hell of a good writer.”

Jani hugged me.

“Thanks, man. I’m really glad I met you today.”

“Likewise.”

The official photographer walked by and asked us

“Alright man, I’m gonna go sign some pictures for fans, but find me later and we’ll talk some more.” We high fived, and I never saw him again. Hindsight, I wish I’d asked for his number or email. I don’t think I could have saved him, because that’s not how alcoholism works, but he needed a friend.

During the press cycle for In Utero, Kurt Cobain said that Nirvana sold millions of records because people were “sick of Warrant.” Cobain was an extremely complex, smart and sensitive man, but I think that comment was uncharacteristically cruel. Behind that white leather suit and the ridiculous strip club anthem was one hell of a songwriter. If Elvis Costello had written “I Saw Red” instead of the “Cherry Pie guy,” Rolling Stone would have it on their list of 100 Best Breakup Songs.

If Jani had been able to conquer his demons, I have no doubt he would be writing for Adele and Katy Perry right now.

Heaven is a 10.

I miss you, Jani.

Posted in: The Number Ones: Milli Vanilli’s “Baby Don’t Forget My Number”

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